Chronicles of the Berkshire Pig: Westside

Westfield v Guildford City

Thursday's are usually a challenge to try and find a suitable game. However, this eases late in the season as fixture back logs means clubs try and get two midweek games in. This was an example of that, with Westfield, Woking's second club, having already played on Tuesday.

Another day, same drill. Swindon station, heading up country....

....to the unrecognisably rebuilt Reading station....

....and the South West bays which were busy with Cross Country services to Southampton and Manchester, and a Great Western service heading up the new flyover to form a race day special back from Cheltenham.

My train was the former, which passed the site of the proposed Green Park station, with the Madejski stadium in the background. The adjacent turbine is powered by a combination of the chairman's ego and false promises of shady Russians. A second turbine will be installed, just as soon as they work out how exactly the Thai's are trying to screw the club over.

My first stop off was Basingstoke.

A stomp through a depressing shopping centre took me to my first tick off the day, the not-at-all-confusingly-named Maidenhead Inn....

....for a bizarre, but very palettable special edition Stereophonics, Brains offering.

Back through the town and on to the station side Queen's Arms.

Whilst enjoying a Upham - Tipster, the sight of Guinness hats brought on the horrific realisation that today was St Patrick's day, which sits between New Year's Eve and the whole of December in the amateur drinkers popular calendar.

Back to the station and some South West Trains Desiro action......

....to the first stop Hook, the last remaining UK station named after a picture fastening since the demise of Llandudno Dodorail.

This was a quick splash and dash with a Britannia - Navigation at the blue sky silhouetted a White Hart Hotel.

If I were to name my favourite Hooks, this would sit in fourth place after Captain, Peter, Mustad Demon Circle and ahead of Doctor. All to soon I was off....

....to the home of underwhelming aeronautical displays; Farnborough.

As I said, the town is obsessed with aviation. I usually get by in life with three facts about major topics. At university I shared a house with a flying/Bryan Adams fan. Of the former, he taught me
- The P-51 Mustang is the Cadillac of the skies
- The 747-400 has a 16 wheel undercarriage
- Upturn wingtips were the thing of 1990s design.
I learned nothing about his latter obsession, other than it is decidedly weird to keep referring to someone as 'The Groover from Vancouver'.

My destination was the Tilly Shilling, as it was described as an eight pump freehouse However, it was actually a plane themed Wetherspoon, horror upon horrors.

So it was a swift move back to Farnborough Main, for the short but interesting hop to Woking.

The first part of the run is in a cutting adjacent to the Basingstoke Canal. So what you might say. Well the canal appeared on the scene first, and the geology of this stretch saw it titled 'Deep Cut', which then gave its name to the adjacent barracks, which have been the scene of a number of army bullying and suicides, which also inflicted Carter USM songs on the nation.

To cheer up the mood a bit, how about the nation’s largest cemetery? In the mid 1800s, London was running out of space to bury people, so the wonderfully titled London Necropolis Company bought some land in Surrey. The railways loved this as people would pay decent money to attend funerals and tend graves, so Brookwood Cemetery and station were born. Nelson is buried here .

Soon we were into Woking.

This is the fringe area for red trains. South West Trains handily colour their trains by what you should expect from them:-
- Red - Be thankful we cleaned the cattle out of them before you scum got on.
- Blue - There is cloth on the seats and a toilet, though it will be locked out of use
- White - We're off to the seaside (or Poole), a trolley service is provided.

First stop was a cheese move down this place.

It was a strange stall with Friends on widescreen. I asked them what cheese they sold, the very confident owner told me about the truckles of local Stilton. I enquired about the protected locations act and that only 5 producers have licences to make Stilton, and they are all in Melton Mowbray. He started talking about flavoured cheddar.

We cut a deal of three truckles for a tenner, and he threw in a spoon.

Next stop was for a dud Wetherspoon, but just when I thought I was away from random planes, they pull me back in.

The pub is named after Woking's most famous literary contributor, Herbert Wells, more widely known for his H.G. Prefix. A Brouwerij - Amsterdam Blonde ticked it. Notice the kRaZy guy going in, with an Irish Rugby top and Guiness hat. Nothing celebrates Irish nationalism like retching through half a Guinness, then getting wankered on Jaegerbombs.

The next stop off was a short way out of town, crossing the same Basingstoke canal that looked to be on the way out.

Theme of the week seems to be woodland walks and this was required again, though in slightly lighter conditions than the previous nights.

However, I reached the next pub, just in time to see the sun setting behind it.

This is the Thurston tap and at first this event looked like agony.....

....but decent bar staff (three Mrs Doyles and the Columbian priest with the video recorder) made it bearable, as did the house Saison.

Back into town and across the canal again, by now looking to have gained some water.

The middle class utopian dream where a Topps Tiles and Majestic Wine Warehouse can live side by side in perfect harmony.

However, my next stop was to be one of my highlights so far this year, being the Guide Listed Woking British Rail staff association.

With some suitable wall displays....

A Dorset - Spring Equinox was deeply enjoyed whilst watching the women's 20/20.

One more stop off at the Sovereigns for an excellent Rudgate - Dick Firkin.

The Westfeield ground is situated in the middle of Woking park. This entails a trudge past various ornamental gardens..

...and moonlit bowling greens...

...before the floodlights appeared.

The ground is situated opposite a hybrid multi storey car park/five-a-side pitch.

And into the game.

Westfield 3 v Guildford City 0, Cherry Red Record Combined Counties League Premier Division.

Westfield have been around since the 1950s, being in the Surrey Senior League, which became the Combined Counties in the late 1970s, where they have been ever since. But without winning anything, ever, or even being close to it. They have the dullest history of any club I have visited.

Guildford were previously one of the top non league sides. In the 40s/50s/60s they were probably the dominant side in the Southern League. They got through to the first round of the FA cup over twenty times, beating such teams as Reading and QPR when they got there. However, financial and ground issues had caught up with them by the late sixties, and they dropped down the league and sold their ground, eventually merging with not-very-near neighbours Dorking, in 1974. Come the late nineties and one of the local Surrey senior league teams had taken on the AFC Guildford moniker. They then progressed through the Combined Counties, changing their name to the original Guildford City, and onto the Southern. However, relegation finds them back in the CoCo, and struggling. The fact that the record gate of the new Guildford is 295, reflects that they haven't really captured the hearts of the town, who have got used to looking towards London, Reading and Portsmouth for their football.

The ground used to just be an open field with a quaint pavilion on the far side.

However, three years ago a massive redevelopment took place, resulting in a huge sports centre down one touchline.

This incorporates some seating at ground level (I still hadn't escaped arses with Guiness hats)

...and a first floor viewing balcony.

The first floor is also the location for the bar, with it's exclusive sponsors area.....

....and programme shop/window sill.

As well as the seating on the touchline, this has been erected in one corner behind the goal. Unsurprisingly it had attracted no-one, and had incurred national ridicule