Who's on Last Bass?

Alton Town FC 4 v East Cowes Victoria Athletic 0, Sydenhams Wessex League Division 1

Original plan was to head to Barcelona Cross in Cornwall for to see Pelynt play and clear the converted milk floats which are now electric trams in Polperro. However, after getting the 0830 Penzance train, at Bristol destiny called as I got a call to say that there were some problems with tickets for next weeks euro jaunt, so I headed back home. The post that had brought the tickets also contained the new copy of Groundtastic, of which a quick browse revealed that the last ever game at Alton Town’s game was being played today, so an alternate game was immediately sourced, and I later found out the trams weren’t out in Polperro anyway.

After sorting out the tickets, it was the 1142 HST to Reading, for a connection along the North Downs, which was worked by a 165 in the new GWR green livery.

Not being hopeful of any cheese elsewhere, a stop off was made at the Grumpy Goat adjacent to Reading station. This shop caters for all my substance needs as it just sells cheese and ale. For some reason, research proved that such a limited offering could survive in Reading, which I think was justified on my purchasing habits alone. It is in an arcade which also has shops selling second hand model railways and Subbuteo teams, so is always a visit for me.


Cheese was; Somerset - Fosse Way Fleece sheeps, and Two Hoots – Rosethorn blue which is the decent version of their Barkham Blue, the current cheese of the year. Although I was of the booze, they had some Einstök in so an opportunity was to stock up on a white ale and a pale ale.

This weeks ‘football grounds from trains’ started with a former football ground, Finchampstead Road was the home of Wokingham Town FC who flew up the pyramid in the 1980s, but spent so much on getting their ground Conference graded, that they had to sell it in the mid nineties. The site is shared by housing and a leisure complex, with the football club merging with Embrook and after a series of far off ground shares, now play on a railed off field in the Hellenic.

After passing by, and failing to get a phot of, Combined Counties League Sandhurst Town’s ground, we arrived at the army station of North Camp.

Reason for alighting here was it’s close proximity to Ash Vale station on the Waterloo – Alton line.

A five minute walk, involving a discussion with a teenager as to who has right of way on the pavement, me walking or him on his mountain bike walking his Rottweiler, took me to the delights of Ash Vale station. Oh, and it turned out it was the dog.

After a couple of minutes, an SWT service arrived in from Waterloo to take me on to Alton. The line on the left proves how company directors abuse of the railway planning system in the 1880s, went on to shape modern day demographics. It went through the middle of no-where to Ascot, just o that the directors of the London and South Western railway, who lived in the Alton area, could go to the races. Somehow it has survived and towns have built up along it, though use is still very low.

Next adjacent football ground I missed was Aldershot, however 30 minutes later, we were arriving into Alton and on the outskirts, we passed the ground.

And so into Alton station.

The station is shared with the Mid Hants steam railway, named the Watercress line due to the local industry. The line to Winchester was shut by BR in the 1970s and now runs as far as Alresford as one of the UKs leading team railways. However, it was not running today as October, November and early December are when preserved lines do all their track maintenance.

The mixed nature of the station can be seen with modern German sourced electric units and rotting crap on the Mid Hants side.

Alton is a bit of a nondescript commuter town. It’s main claim to fame is being the home of Fanny Adams, which probably sums the place up; nothing more interesting happening in the last 150 years that you cling to the infamy of a viciously butchered infant who’s name was used to describe poor quality meat in the navy.


Anyway, this rather strange concoction was circling the town; a motorbike and side car containing teddy bears, towing a trailer with primitive attempts to disguise it as a sleigh, decorated in tinsel, ridden by a hefty bloke bearing a ‘Legal Vehicle’ branded hi-viz.

My Destination in the town was this place, who sometimes have second hand continental models.

Sure enough, a pair of Fleischmann ‘Ferkeltaxe’, so called because it was common for farmers to use them to get the said livestock to market, were obtained.

My sobriety had lasted a week. However, the temptation of two new ticks was too much so a four pub/pint compromise was agreed, providing none of them contained Christmas drinking wankers. First off was a local Bowman – Swift One, at the eight Bells.

Next was the excellent Railway Arms. As well as having a M7 tank loco breaking out from its upper floor, it is also home to the fff brewery, with 8 sticks on for it.

Inside, the seating is laid out like railway carriages, with TVs in the bays. A fff – Rock Lobster accompanied Man City capitulating at Stoke. The bar played host to a mainstay of early drinking; builders who have had to call off a job because of a no show from a notoriously unreliable mate who they were doing a good turn to by putting some work his way. There were text book phrases of; ‘a hundred quid, cash in hand’, ‘mobile turned off’, ‘he’s meant to be a mate’ were all heard, before ordering the obligatory pint of Fosters in a real ale pub.

Final pub was the Q eens head, a Greene King infection, though they did have fff – Alton pride on. I couldn’t think of anywhere more depressing to spend my Christmas.

By now /I was near to the ground and the signs were up proclaiming the enormity of the day.

Right, now for a potted history of football in Alton, with a slight diversion into the brewing industry, so pull up a chair.

The original Alton Town were the long standing club in the town, playing in the Hampshire league and short spells in the Athenian and Combined Counties league. They played at the well appointed Anstey Park. Brewing has always been a big industry in Alton, due to the proximity of Barley and Hops. Courage had a large brewery in the town and a sports club adjacent to Anstey Park. The football team, Courage and Co, had risen up to the Hampshire league in the 1970s, whereby they were renamed Bass Alton as said brewers had taken over the brewery in order to brew Harp larger for Guiness.

In 1991, for reasons I could never fathom, Bass Alton of the Bass sports ground (who were in Hants 3) and Alton Town of Anstey Park (Hants 1), merged. However they kept both grounds on, with the firsts playing at Anstey in Hants 1, and the reserves at the Bass ground in Hants 3. So what had been achieved.

Eventually, sense prevailed and Bass Alton Town as they were known, concentrated on one ground, but surprisingly, this was the Bass Ground. Anstey Park was taken over by another local team, Alton United, who went on to develop a large youth team section.

Moving on 20 years to 2014, the club have dropped the Bass and are now just Alton Town. Bass Brewery have long since been taken over, becoming Molston Corrs, announces it is closing the brewery as it has lost a brewing contract with Heineken. The brewery site has been sold for redevelopment, also includes the satellite site of the sports ground, which will also be built on.
This means Alton Town are homeless, and after a long campaign, the brewery agrees to provide another ground for them, which turns out to be Anstey Park. However, the current tenants, United are unhappy, resulting in a merger between them and Alton Town, with the new club to be called Alton.

Pretty simple eh?


Anyway, to show the close proximity, Anstey Park is on the right, Bass ground is the white building on the left.

The Anstey ground had a decent stand on one side and covered terrace opposite. However, the redevelopment of the ground has seen a 3g pitch installed, the old stand and terracing flattened, and the bog standard atcost offering installed, surrounded by a fence which wouldn’t be out of place at Bellmarsh.

So on to the big event.

A special commemorative programme was obtained and hour before kick off.

“and next item on the agenda, what font shall we do the signage in? How about a bizarre mixture of Arial and TFI Friday, but make sure you never clean it.”

Good old 10-q-i. Stops all the youth team/injured/squad/family blagging nonsense.

Alton are mid table, East Cowes second from bottom. The manager’s notes in the programme were three sentences, one of which was just hoping the visitors ‘catch their intended ferry home’, which sounds as sinister as it is euphemistic.

The Bass ground is a strange set up. On one side is a stand, adjacent to this is the club house which were originally the changing rooms. Instead, the cricket pavilion on the far right is now used for changing rooms.

The aforementioned pavilion, with obligatory non-league number plate signage.

Ground grading states that there must be a segregated players entrance to the pitch, which is the railings on the right, but the players instead choose to amble across the training pitch…..

….through a garden gate onto the pitch.

The stand has the David Nugent quality of having always looked ancient. However, this was a product of the 1950s, but is now looking, well, fucked.

Behind it is lean-to which houses the local bowls club who, by the look of the grass, have also played their last game at the ground.

One benefit of the move has been the loss of another petanque court shoe horned onto the perimeter of a football ground.

On to the game. I have never seen such a one sided opening to a game. Alton absolutely dominated the first twenty minutes. The only time Cowes got into the Alton half were from the two kick offs when Alton scored, firstly from a corner like this.

Then some good work down the right….



….resulted in another goal.

This being a big event in non-league circles, it brought out one of it’s greatest sights; competitive groundhopping. Whilst the crux of this is obviously grounds visited, there is also what you do when at games. Two of these elements were on full display; biggest possible camera, and most furiously scribbled notes.


Firstly two medium sized cameras and a note taker.

Like a Farah clad sniper.

Dressed as though he is in the middle of an 8 day stint on dogger bank, one large camera is not enough, so is accompanied by a huge one.

Two more SLRs, as a note taker wonders if it is the same Mo Nyamunga he saw keep goal for Raynes Park Vale under 16s on a Thursday night in 2008.

This bloke was the most active, but also had some good shots, my favourite being the motivating messages in the changing room, which seem to have come directly from Razz Prince.

However, this bloke was the winner, having a full blown movie crew with him, and a camera that at no point did he use, just carried it around.

And so on to the usual critique of the ground clutter. A strong start with a large water boiler in the corner, clad in many variations of asbestos. In the foreground, the frame of a road sign holds a hose pipe.

Ground grading states that floodlights a certain proximity to the pitch should have protection for any player collision. I can’t help but think they could perhaps have made more of an effort.

At one end, Alton have gone all continental with their goal nets, or else the stations have already gone to the new ground. Either way, the nets are bigger than the changing rooms.

Can you Kick it? NO.

A creeping influence on non-league fitness training has been tyre dragging, so grounds are now littered with discarded Dunlop radials with skanky rope tied to them. Wonderfully, these often form part of the pre-match fitness test, so you can watch a squad player, who obviously has a family do at five, feigning a groin strain as he takes part in bollock shrinking substance devoid version of world’s strongest man.

Railways visible from football grounds; a SWT Desiro unit heads off for Waterloo.

With half time nearing, it was time to visit Rick, who turned out to be a 14 year old…

….with a fridge that hasn’t seen any food standards inspectors for a few years…..

….and an alfresco dining opportunity.

Into the club house and the pulls had already been disconnected so it was bottles only. I wasn’t temped until I noticed that they had a selection of Hoggs Back seasonals. The far end of the club house was a faithfull recreation of the décor of the communal area of an old peoples home.

I’m sure the board and sponsors will miss this splendour, and how does a sign get this dirty indoors?

On to the second half and it is as equally one sided with Alton scoring a couple more. One of the East Cowes players blatantly wanted first dibs on the showers as he kept randomly kicking people infront of the referee, eventually being sent off for retaliation. Showered and happy, he makes his way back to the bench.

All too soon the game ended.

Much handshaking.

Player huddles (inevitably photographed) with inspirational management feedback “why have you cunts waited to December before playing football?”

After a quick dads and lads game….

…..the ground was quiet for the very last time.

But so be it. I had another tick to make at the George with a Longdog – Golden Poacher.

Before getting the bus to Basingstoke (the number 13, listed on the bus stop as ‘Basingstoke via Odiham Barracks Married Quarters’).

From Basingstoke, it was a voyager to Reading, amongst a group of Villa fans returning from Southampton, who were having the most in depth discussion about injection moulding machines whilst playing cards; “15-2, if it’s self gating, it only needs one operator, pair for 2, the fuckers are too tight to pay for Beryllium moulds, one for his knob, sprue is no good for elastometers.