Redcar Town v BEADS
Redcar Athletic v Ashbrooke Belford House
Thornaby v Team Northumbria
Thornaby CC v Blackhall CC
Nearing the end of the season with some leagues already into their play offs. Also, the last knockings of the Saturday morning churches leagues. I'd wanted a Strathclyde trip, but engineering work on the West Coast meant the alternate was a day enjoying the beaches and art gallery's of Teeside.
So the 0741 off Sowerby.
I'd got the option of changing at Leeds, but as I was on a Blackpool - York service, I decided to stay on it, passing the newly relaid junction at Micklefield, the work having been the reason for last weekends viewing of trains from the rugby at Castleford.
A rather rare use of the platform 6 bay in the main trainshed at York.
I was on to the following Middlesbrough service, which was almost empty.
Here's a stunning fact that will make you the toast of your social circle; Yarm has the shortest station nameboards that are supported by two freestanding posts. Any other signs of a similar size are fixed centrally to a lamp post, but the addition of the company logo meant modern Network Rail requirements meant they were too heavy for that. I bet you thought working on the railway was just a life of speedboats and super models, but no, there is also the joy of mediating station contract disputes.
Through Thornaby, and the first of the 'thats just showing off' pointlessly over complicate bridges, the Newport vertical-lift bridge spanning the River Tees.
Into Middlesbrough.
Out the back of the station and whilst I was heading for one, it probably wasn't the one they were intendeding.
The original Albert bridge, and the one that meant Brunel had to add the 'Royal' prefix to his famous one at Saltash.
If you'd just built normal bridges, you wouldn't have had to become such specialists in iron.
With the Riverside in the background, this is where I was heading, Middlesbrough college, where the teenagers of Teeside train for their future careers as call centre operatives.
There was meant to be a North East Christian Fellowship league game between Stockton Church United and Jesmond Parish Church FC, but the signs weren't good.
Close attendance revealed that this was the only ball playing action. The game having apparently having been switched to a cheaper grass pitch nearer to Stockton.
This was the second time this season I'd turned up at an empty pitch dominated by a huge bridge.
Bollocks to the lord, how about pleasing me for once by playing a game where you bloody well say you are?
So the big conundrum was now, what to do in Middlesbrough for four hours? Well, seeing as I was next to it, the obvious start was the transporter bridge.
Except it was shut.
Well, at least I'd saved myself 60p.
What about a look at the Tuxedo Royale, the ship that used to be moored on the Tyne, with the revolving dance floor? Well, it appears to be sinking so is now shut.
So I headed into town. Middlesbrough seems to have prioritised its PR budget over actually keeping alive the industry that gainfully employs people, so was awash with bollocks slogans.
Yes, but so do tectonic plates.
A wander past the repeat winner of Holiday Inn's 'most communist looking hotel' award.
This took me to Middlesbrough central reference library, to look at train books.
Which was empty, apart from some bloke ripping pages out of the Rough Guide to Prague. I don't think it was the art gallery section.
So how about here.
For those of you that doubted such a thing existed.
But again, was empty.
Well, the Teesiders must all be educating themselves at the Captain Cook museum. So it was back to the station and onto a Nunthorpe service.
Which was empty.
Off at Marton, in the south east suburbs of the town.
Into Stewart Park, which houses the Captain Cook museum.
Which was shut.
So flagging the required haulage.
It was back to Middlesbrough.
And to the Wetherspoons.
Which was packed.
So it was back to the station, where the helpful maps...
...show you where you could have gone 140 years ago.
The station underpass had a display of local photography, which gave some inspiration for places I could visit.
My chosen destination was here, a place who manages to exhaustively list all its virtues in its suffix.
Onto a pushchair choked Pacer.
The journey east of Middlesbrough goes through the previous steelmaking area. Unfortunately, most of it stands derelict.
Even the BSC offices looking like something the Pacific Island headquarters of a Bond villain.
The offices have their own station, but with only ten trains a week, it doesn't seem to be top of the maintenance priorities.
We passed the sports complex at the far end of Redcar, where a note was made of a future @nonleague_train opportunity.
It was into Saltburn.
And straight back out again, finding a newspaper who's title is also an Oxymoron.
This time I hopped off at Redcar. This is a place I always find bizarre as the place is half heavy industry and half seaside resort. I know two people from Redcar, both of them as unhinged as batshit. This was the first time I'd been to the place so I didn't know if it would live up to their billing.
So straight off the train to find the trees had knitted jumpers.
And onto the street to find someone dressed in a full Spider-Man outfit, with a placard declaring, well I'm not sure what it actual said, as I was more occupied by a fully fledged adult in fancy dress.
Fearing for my sanity, I hurried to the relative sanctuary of the town's secondary non-league club.
Redcar Town 1 v B.E.A.D.S 1, Teeside League
The most 'm's in its first eleven letters of any ground name I know. Until West Ham start calling their's 'Mammoth Mammeries Park' in homage to the owners.
Redcar Town have mostly played in the Teeside league, but did have a spell in the higher level Wearside league when it started off a second division in the 1990s. They won it but the league was disbanded anyway and they struggled in the single division, dropping out after three years. They were revived a few years ago, playing back in the Teeside league.
BEADS are the abbreviated form of Beechwood, Easterside and District Social, and are from south east Middlesbrough, close to the Captain Cook museum. They have been one of the top teams in the Teeside league in the last few seasons. Hermans Hermits play at the club in June, who knew they were still alive?
Most grounds in the league are just roped off playing fields, but Trunk Road has recently had a lot of work done on it, this season being enclosed and having floodlights installed.
The clubs main claim to fame is having the world's dullest ground photo on their website. However, a lick of paint and the addition of a few windows has made the made it infinitely more photogenic.
The dug outs are on the opposite side, in the middle of them seems to be some sort of child prison.
So to the game. The ball was kicked really, really high.
A bloke jumped.
A 'robust' lino checked his watch.
A keeper dressed badly.
Someone crossed the ball.
The away side took the lead. I think.
The benches feigned interest in a meaningless last game of the season.
A lot of blokes ran in the same direction.
The home side equalised.
I wandered off, with an owl watching from the roof.
The ground is right on the west edge of town, and my next game was right on the east edge of town, which would have meant a fifty minute walk, and as timings were tight, it was a bus move across town.
The bus ride took me along the sea front.
Also through the town centre and the clock tower.
I was off on the other side of town.
This was right on the front. The sea looked colder than a brexit voters heart.
Early identification of where I was heading.
Which was soon visible.
No contest as to which of these two venues was my choice.
Confirmation for the doubters.
I'm not sure if there was actual building works going on, or if this was a promotional display by the club sponsors.
Three pounds got me entrance and a programme, the bloke on the gate confidently predicting a home victory as the away side 'keeper looks about 12 and the centre half is massive'.
Redcar Athletic 7 v Ashbrooke Belford House 1, TWR Wearside League
Redcar started out largely as a junior side, Teeside Athletic, eventually getting a senior team in the Teeside league. Significant new facilities saw them up to the Wearside league in 2005, changing their name to Redcar Athletic in 2010, since when they haven't finished lower than 5th place, and this season are confirmed as runners up.
Ashbrooke are from Silksworth, a former mining area south of Sunderland. They joined the Wearside league in 2007. They gained notoriety for wanting to sign Ched Evans when he was released from prison
The Green Lane ground is enclosed, which is a godsend as it sits very close to the seafront with the wind bitingly cold.
In the last couple of seasons, this cover has emerged.
With an eclectic mix of seating.
The dugouts had team co-ordinated signage, which I assume was just a coincidence.
The game lived up to the gateman's billing, with Redcar rattling in goals at frequent intervals.
A soft cross makes it 2-0.
A free kick for the third.
The away side did pull one back.
But Redcar soon added another.
And another.
And another.
I'd been watching on the other touchline, and was interrupted by the arrival of the away sub. His warm up consisted of telling me how he was going to hang the manager as he'd told him he was short of players so had driven back from work in Hull, only to find he was a sub. As a forward sliced a pass into touch, he advised me the player was 'absolutely fookin shite footballer but a great DJ'. He then started to go through the DJ abilities of the whole team, the pinnacle being the left midfielder who apparently gets paid gigs in Guisborough. He was called back by the manager just as he started to give me an in depth view on how all three North East clubs will be in the Championship next season.
There was a fair sprinkling of supporters, all choosing the side that is sheltered from the sea wind.
Josh watch saw one for each team.
You don't get this in the premier league part 947. There was a strange moment when Ashbrooke decided to sub the goalkeeper, but the replacement needed all the original keepers kit. Except the shorts were too small for him, so he took them off, and we were treated to him playing for a while in just his pants, until the ref noticed and ordered some shorts to be found.
Redcar added one more goal.
The game ended 7-1, with the sub making a bee-line to me to tell me that Boro were 2-0 down at Bournemouth and that Newcastle would definitely 'fook things up'.
Back to the station and yet more evidence of the very welcome war on dog owners, which seems to have stepped up in recent times.
A man of steel move back to the station, just as the train was arriving.
Always makes.
This took me back through the docks area, which now specialises in handling off shore wind turbines.
And soon to be championship football grounds.
I headed through Middlesbrough, and on to Thornaby.
A quick stroll to the war memorial, commemorating those that died to ensure that Britain being taken over by racially intolerant right wing tyranny, was delayed by 70 years.
There was this option.
But I was heading here.
Thornaby rivals Carnforth Rangers in having non-leagues longest approach road.
They give you hope as you think you are at the entrance gates.
Cricket going on in the adjacent park.
The fact that this is now the third direction sign gives an idea how long this takes.
Crossing through a third time zone.
And eventually there are signs of life.
But still no sign of a ground entrance.
Onward we go, now having reset my watch to Eastern Seaboard time.
Skirting the third sign of the ground.
But eventually, the promised land.
Thornaby 0 v Team Northumbria 1, Ebac Northern League - Division 2
Thornaby actually started life in 1980 as Stockton FC, with the demise of the latter's famous old club. They joined the Wearside league, and then in the 1980s, moved up to the Northern league. Relocating to a ground in Thornaby, saw the club change its name.
Any club who's prefix is 'Team' means only one thing; students who attend lectures in shell suits. Sure enough, Team Northumbria were previously Northumbria University, which was the former Newcastle Polytechnic. They joined the Northern Alliance in 1999, then changed their name and joined the Northern league in 2006.
Teesdale Park was formerly the works ground of Head Wrightson, a major local engineering firm who built a number of the bridges across the Thames in London. The football club took over this part of the site in the 1980s, when it was part of the cricket club. They spent a lot of money converting it to a football ground, but last time I was here, it was in a very sorry state, so it was heartening to see it looking very good.
The main stand sits on one side of the touchline, and is a lean to against the changing room block.
Behind the goal used to be the cricket pavilion, and this was a very strange three tier stand. Now only the lower section remains, with a collection of containers serving as the club offices and social club.
At the opposite end is the low cover that also survives from the grounds previous guise.
These deep upholstered seats definitely being the most comfortable I've watched a game from all season.
The far touchline is a grass bank which was popular in today's sunshine. Possibly less so on a January evening.
It seems to be a thing for non-league clubs on Teeside to have old bus shelters. Although, at at least they have removed the timetables from this one, unlike Billingham.
How all beer gardens should be. Although not full of Budweiser drinkers.
A decent amount of groundsman's clutter, with a focus on branded oil drums that were starting to resemble the pits at the Indianapolis 500.
Bloody selfie sticks.
As ever, I'll reluctantly talk about the game.
The students had a few shots.
The Cleveland constabulary dodged the £4 entry fee by watching from the police helicopter. Which is still closer to the action than you are at West Ham.
The goalkeeper got attacked by seagulls.
A student got tripped.
His mate scored the penalty.
The beer garden got front row viewing of a corner.
The opposing managers synchronised their sun blocking action.
And the game ended 0-1.
The students got together to listen to the Levellers and discuss Dostoyevsky.
The home team went straight to the bar to leave some kids to re-enact the game.
I headed next door.
Thornaby play in the North Yorkshire & South Durham cricket league, and were today hosting Blackhall, from Peterlee, and whose ground I'd visited on my last visit to the area.
Blackhall had batted first and put on a relatively low total that Thornaby still chased down.
Though cricket scores obviously cause some confusion to Twitters automatic language detection.
It was back to the station, with a rare freight movement transferring steel slabs from Scunthorpe to the rolling mills at Lackenby.
It was onto a TransPennine service that conveniently links Thornaby and Leeds directly.
Remember last week when I gave this advice?
Well this bloke had obviously taken heed.
Speciality Cleveland delicacies; ginger Pepsi max and Tex-mex Peperami.
A 1 minute connection was made at Leeds, so no photo there. Passing through Bradford, a load of supporters with blue scarves got on the Manchester bound service. City were away at Sheffield, so a check of Park Avenue's twitter revealed it was Stockport, with an inevitably named first scorer.
Back into Sowerby with the last rays of daylight shining through the mills.
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