Beith Juniors v Greenock Morton, William Hill Scottish Cup
Queens Park v Brechin City, Ladbrokes Scottish League One
A busy week at work meant I hadn't been able to have my
normal day long planning session, so a bit of an ad hoc day. Considerations were a day spent thanking the
inhabitants of Richmond Park for the only heartening bit of political news this
year, and maybe restoring some faith that not everyone else in the world is a
bigoted fuckwit. Either that or some
Humberside matches in the rugby league Yorkshire Cup.
Instead, some early kick offs in Scotland meant an 0636
start off Sowerby.
Into Preston and some Pendolino action onwards.
Football grounds visible from the railway – Holme.
Through the fringes of the Lake District and the mist
settles in the fells, with a snow capped North Pennines behind.
Football grounds visible from the railway – a lovely view
across a scrapyard of Motherwell's Fir Park, which was hosting Celtic in the
early kick off.
The first crossing of the day of the Clyde in Glasgow.
Into a bustlingly festive Glasgow Central. At this point, the bagpipe playing was a pleasant
novelty.
I had the option of a long bus journey from here to Beith, then
two hours to kill their, or heading to Kilmarnock and take in the beach, before
a shorter bus move. I chose the latter
and it was onto an un-refurbished 156, probably my favourite of the 2nd
generation units.
Football grounds visible from the railway – Arthurlie.
Home of the Green Flash.
Although it was pronounced as Dun-Lop.
Into Kilmarnock.
In a 'well if Hartlepools got one, why should I be surprised
that Kilmarnock has' moment, I found that trip advisor had a 'top 10
attractions' for Kilmarnock. The fact
that cooking classes are number three, and Jungle Madness soft play centre was also
in there, hinted that there may not be a richness to choose from.
I went and had a look at number two on the list, the Dick
Institute. This is an art gallery
dedicated to its namesake. There were
lots of painting of young Ally in his Tottenham days, and an interpretive
collage of an action shot of him whilst at Frankston Pines.
Walking back to the centre and forget an ice cream parlour
in Huddersfield in November. No, the new
measure of hopelessly optimistic retailing is a health food shop in Ayrshire.
I headed on to the bus station.
Gateway to the world.
This was my bird to freedom.
Notice that rather than a clock or bus running information, they instead
went for a thermometer. I suppose it
means they only need a single digit display.
I hadn't checked what route we took, and found we were
re-tracing the route of the railway back into Glasgow.
Sure enough, 90 minutes after I'd gone through before, we
passed Dunlop station. So I could have
had an extra hour in bed, got the later train, and changed here. Still, I can now say I've been to
Kilmarnock. Not that anyone's ever asked
me if I have.
However, it was a pleasant run through the countryside, with
the hills of Clyde Muirshiel in the distance.
This is a council funded social service. This means that it goes via every rural
gatepost, providing a life line for the needy.
However, they must all be dead as, despite visiting most of north east
Ayrshire, the same three of us that got on the bus in Kilmarnock, were the only
three on it at Beith, with no one getting on or off, and all of us using bus
passes of sorts.
After an hour, I was off in Beith Strand.
Beith was originally known as being the place of solitude
for a sainted hermit. However, its high
forested area and plentiful water supply then made it an ideal safe area for a
settlement, and so it grew. This was
further aided by it becoming an important stop off on the road from the
Ayrshire ports to Glasgow. By the 18th
century, the trade route and advantageous topology was being used by smugglers
as their safe haven. These days it is a
dormitory town for Paisley and Glasgow, with a number of new estates growing up
to serve the overspill from them. The
bloke who invented fingerprinting is from Beith, as is squeaky voiced
Fulham-courting turncoat Steve Clarke.
The ground lay in parkland adjacent to a housing estate at
the foot of the escarpment the main town is located on. This is the predictable main picture of a WSC
game of the month photo picture.
Ten minutes to kick off and unprecedented scenes. Innovation number 1. On the right is general entrance. On the left is correct money only. At last, a ground entrance system that
rewards fruit machine winners.
Beith Juniors 0 v Greenock Morton 6, William Hill Scottish
Cup third round.
Beith previously hosted a Scottish League club, but they had
been disbanded by the time the current set up were formed in 1938. The new side joined the Ayrshire league with
considerable success, mostly coming in the 1960s. By this century, they had risen up the junior
set up, currently in the West of Scotland Super League Premier Division, having
won division 1. They were also the
Scottish Junior cup winners last season.
Greenock is known as the Monaco of the Clyde due to its
perma-sunshine which attracts its main demographic of millionaire play
boys. Not really, it’s an economically
depressed hell hole. I used to go to
Reading games with a mate who had moved down from Greenock. His dad was a welder who’s eyesite was shot
to bits. Rather than go to an optician,
he got some driving glasses from a car boot sale. However, the only ones that had the correct
lenses were women's glasses from the 1970s, so he used to drive round in his
Montego estate looking like Deidre Barlow.
Also, the front seat was permanently occupied by a sack of solidified
cement. But, enough of childhood
memories of rural West Berkshire. Morton
were formed in 1874, named after the road most of their players came from, and
not adding the Greenock prefix until 1994.
For most of their history, they have played in the top two
divisions. However, the last two decades
have seen fortunes mirror that of the town, with financial problems meaning the
slipped down to the third division at one point, and have then swapped between
the second and third levels, though they are currently third in the
championship.
Bellsdale Park was first occupied by the original Beith team
in 1920, so has hosted league football.
Beith Juniors have played here since their inception. It was refurbished in 2004 for their
promotion to the super league.
It is a charming if slightly eccentric little ground, which
doesn't appear to have any seating. Down
the far touchline, below the main town, are a couple of new covers.
The near touchline hosts the clubhouse, a few steps of
terracing, and a cover at the bottom end.
At the top end, is a small grass bank, and was home to the
plethora of Beith flags.
These also contained some slogans that appeared to have been
written by a focus group comprising mid-west evangelicals and Garth Crooks.
At the bottom end was a couple of steps of terracing, which
was where the Morton supporters were located.
The pitch has an almighty slope, which must be getting to a
Chard like level.
By far the greatest innovation I have seen for a long time at
a football ground is this, 3G terracing.
Two different sorts. The bottom
step, bare concrete. The middle step, a
thin AstroTurf. But the top step, fruit
and veg stall deep artificial grass.
Soft and luxurious, like watching football in your slippers on a
luxurious shag pile carpet. Majestic.
The more vocal home support was in the lower cover. Now lads, in answer to your question, no I
can't hear Morton sing, and the reason you can't hear a 'fucking thing' is that
the rest of the ground were listening to the SFA statement being read out in regard
to a tribute to those who died in Columbia.
The players entered the fray.
There was a minutes silence for the plane crash
victims. Impeccably observed by all.
I was delighted to see an @keepers_towel heading my way.
Except the buggers then changed ends.
Beith were playing downhill, having all the opening play.
However, Morton got a soft free kick with their first
attack, from which they promptly scored.
What are you wearing to the game? Hmm, either the away shirt and jeans, or the
home shirt and full badger costume.
The most restricted view in football? Probably ok with the normal 150 crowds, less
so with three thousand.
More great innovations.
The dugouts were actually part of the side terrace....
... with the terrace itself having no pitchside railing or
wall.
The towel had made its way to the goal in front of the
Morton fans, with the knee high railing at that end.
After the exotic horror at Dundee United, a good selection
of Scottish names on display, the home side having eight mc/macs. Although there was a sign of the creeping
plague of English non-league; that nearly all players are now called Josh.
Morton then scored another soft goal.
And another four.
With Beith not looking like scoring the required seven goals
in the last ten minutes, I headed off to get an earlier bus, just as essential
supplies were arriving.
Passing behind the fence at the far end, I then almost got
clumped by a wayward shot.
As I scaled the hill back to the centre, the final whistle
blew for the game to end 0-6.
I was on the express bus service into Glasgow. Though this one was so express it didn't
stop.
However, we found that this was because it was 30 minutes
late and another bus was directly behind, whisking us down the M8 into
Glasgow. Here we cross the Clyde with
Ibrox in the left distance, filling up for the game against Aberdeen.
Off the bus in the centre...
...and back to Central station, with the bagpipe players now
becoming an irritant.
I was on a Cathcart circle service, formed of class 314, the
second oldest rolling stock in regular use on British mainland railways. This was in the Strathclyde PTE carmine and
cream livery.
I took this a few stops south to Mount Florida.
I was heading for this place.
Leaving the station are two signs giving directions to the
stadium and estimated walking times.
However, the one on the left says eight minutes...
...whilst the one across the road from it says six
minutes. Even inner-city Glaswegians on
their diets of deep fried Irn-Bru don't take two minutes to cover ten foot?
After a minutes walk, the ground appeared.
Firstly, lesser Hamden.
Queen’s Park built this in the 1920s for their reserve team. At the time, it was a farm, and the farmhouse
was kept as a pavilion, making it the oldest football structure in the
world. It has occasionally been used for
first teams, especially when Hampden was being rebuilt. It was also the final home of the American
Football team the Scottish Claymores, before their Peter Winkleman wet dream
scenario of re-locating to Germany to become the Hamburg Sea Devils.
I managed to do a complete circuit of the stadium before
actually finding a turnstile that was open.
I had an empty plastic 250ml water bottle confiscated from my bag, the
steward sternly lecturing me that I might fill it back up and throw it on the
pitch.
Queen's Park v Brechin City, Ladbrokes Scottish League One.
Queen's Park are the oldest football team in Scotland, being
formed in 1867. They were the pioneering
side as football developed, winning 10 Scottish cups, and rather greedily, the
FA cup twice. However, their dominance
lessened as other teams started to take the game seriously. Queens Park therefore decided to start
inventing things, like passing, crossbars and substitutes. They've carried on playing, though been
a bit shit. They have also showed vision
with their ground, building the one time world's biggest stadium for crowds of
750. They are the last remaining amateur
team in senior British football. We know
this because every mention of the club is accompanied by this fact.
Brechin is somewhere between Dundee and Aberdeen, and a bit
inland. There are a few old buildings
there and it was where radar was invented.
End of geography lesson. The
football team were formed in 1906 from the merger of local teams Hearts and Harps,
which sounds more like an OAP meeting at a community centre. They joined the league in the 1920s, and
since then, have spent most of their time slavishly finding whatever the bottom
league was. However, this century has
seen some success. Of sorts. In the five seasons between 2002 and 2006,
they either finished first or last in whichever division they were in. They are currently in their fourth season at
step 3.
The current stadium if the third attempt at building a
stadium suitable for the Old Firm to riot at, the first ground had a railway
built through it, and the second one was too small so it was given to Third Lanark. Until the Maracanã was built, Hampden was the
biggest stadium in the world. Until the
Darlington Arena was built, Hampden was the biggest white elephant in world. The stadium was rebuilt in the 1990s, an
early recipient of National Lottery funding.
The first time that Hampden was used for something other than football
or religious based brawling, was a 1987 Paul Young concert.
I find it almost impossible to get the ball and the players
in a photo of Scottish football, as the primary objective of the game seems to
be how high can you kick it.
The only opportunity is during one of the many, many free
kicks.
Eventually the games was livened up when a Queen’s Park forward,
who’s dribbling ability easily earned him a ‘the new Keith Scott’ tag, stumbled
from the edge of the penalty area to the six yard box, where he promptly fell
over, and somehow got a penalty.
This was duly scored
One thing that was clearly evident was the utterly woeful
stewarding, which made it absolutely apparent why the cup final earlier in the
year was such a disaster in terms of crowd management. For a crowd of 700, there was an absolutely
army of stewards. I'd found myself in
with the Brechin supporters, who probably numbered about 50 or so. An unaccompanied 12 year old youth was
pounced on by three stewards, for having the audacity to have his foot near
another seat. A couple of females were
told they’d be thrown out if they took any more selfies. There were quite a few stood up, and even
more giving the players and officials vast volleys of colourful language, not
that I care about either of these as it is just part of the football I'm used
to. However, those committing these acts
were mainly groups of men who were left well alone by the stewards. Who would have thought stewards at a football
game would zealously enforce minor rules against women and kids, but completely
ignore the major misdemeanours of groups of blokes. This was the main culprit, leading one of his
ten minutely sweeps up and down the gangways.
A complete knob.
At half time I went looking for a programme. The stewards directed me most of the way
round the stadium to where they might be sold.
Only when I returned to the main concourse did a friendly bloke from the
supporter’s club inform me that they haven’t produced a printed programme for a
number of seasons, instead it is a free download from the web site. Queen’s Park added another in the second half
to win the game 2-0.
I was back to Mount Florida to head back to the centre.
Back at Glasgow Central for a third and final time, this
time on a Pendolino down to Preston.
I got the chance to re-equip myself with the violent object
taken off me going into Hamden.
At Preston, there was carnage due to overhead line issues at
Winwick junction meaning single line working was in place, so the station was
full of dumped Virgin sets.
Fortunately, my service across to York was unaffected,
though we did get the rare treat of going reversible off platform 1.
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