Machan the Most of it

Motherwell King's v Avendale

Machan United v GMAFC (St Francis)

Glenafton Athletic v Arthurlie

Auchinleck Talbot v Troon

A smattering of end of season games in the English leagues, but nothing too attractive for getting a few games in.  However, Scotland was still going strong for games, so I decided to treat myself to some Ayrshire Junior action, which is probably my favourite level and location for football.

It was down to Sowerby station with the entrance coated in that rare combination of blossom and killfrost.

It was on to one of the increasing number of refurbished 158s.  When they canvassed opinion about what customers wanted from the refurb, the overwhelming response was that they wanted charging sockets, and didn't give a shit about anything else.  Sure enough, Northern have chosen to do everything else to the trains apart from installing charging sockets, even though they manage to on their buses.

It was a wet and miserable start to the morning.  Not even the appearance of Burnley could cheer it up.

Or the UNESCO designated view of the Accrington Arndale centre multi-storey car park.

It was into Preston.

And onto a northbound TransPennine service.

This took us up through a very damp Lake District.

Into Glasgow Central.

Where my Neilston bound service was conveniently awaiting in the next platform.  

Neilston holds a little bit of memory for me as back in the 1990s, it was the last bit of line I did to clear the UK passenger railway network.

But I was off at Muirend.

A short walk took me to Muirend Pavilion.

Where amongst a myriad of kids games, I found the one senior game being played.

Motherwell King's 1 v Avendale 1 (Avendale win 0-3 on penalties), Daysoft.com Fraser Trophy - Semi Final


Kings Church in Motherwell lists itself as part of the 'Evangelical Alliance', which sounds like a West Midlands football league. Apparently they have been "on an exciting spiritual journey in the Lanarkshire area for over 30 years".  The football side have been going since 2005, deriving from a Saturday morning youth club, which also has a curling team.

Avendale are based in Strathaven, which is some way south of Glasgow.  The football side were formed in 2001, another product of a Saturday morning Youth group. They state their aim as 'the use of football as a means of true Christian Fellowship and the proper use of the said fellowship as a means of glorifying God and representing a good Christian witness'.

As the game was being played amonst a load of kids games, I was sparing with my use of the camera.  Most parents don't give a shit about someone taking pictures of an adjacent games, but the ones that do complain, complain a lot, so it's not worth the hassle.  Explaining to the authorities that you were actually taking pictures of towels isn't the easiest excuse to convince people with.

It was Motherwell who were on top and took the lead.

Though Avendale equalised.

It was raining quite heavily so there was indeed a @keepers_towels on display.  A house somewhere is missing its recycling container.

The game went on to extra time and with it still 1-1, Avendale won 0-3 on penalties.  I'd already headed off, taking in the adjacent Braidholm Road, home of kick and clap rugby side Glasgow Hutchesons Aloysians.

It was back to the main road in Muirend, and a bus heading out of the city.

A few minutes later, this dropped me off in the centre of Clarkston.

Where it was a wander over the railway to here, for the other semi final.

Again, there were a myriad of kids games going on, but thankfully, my game was being played on the separate lower pitches in the complex.

Machan United 2 v GMAFC (St Francis) 1, Daysoft.com Fraser Trophy - Semi Final

The Machan Trust which is a joint churches youth initiative in Larkhall, givings kids something to do other than Buckfast, Highland toffee and skag.  Part of this is Machan United, who have been going for ten or so years, and were promoted to the top division last season.

GMAFC are actually Greenock Morton Community Trust.  They are affiliated to St Francis of Assisi church in Port Glasgow.  The original Francis of Assisi went from very affluent beginnings to poverty and begging, before dieing of malnutrition due to a poor diet, before he'd reached 40.  It would be a harsh parallel to be drawn between this existence and that of the modern day locals. 

The pitch has been levelled and is cut into the hillside.

This has unearthed an outstanding feature of a rock formation in one corner.

It is overlooked by the hillside of Cathkin Braes, with a very picturesque mobile phone mast.  The locals obviously deciding that the continuation ability to cash out from in play betting, was more important than any visual intrusion.

The main changing room block is situated behind the near goal.

The keeper makes a flying save.

Which then saw his side take the lead.



The rocks are a very imposing feature, giving some good photo opportunities.  Unless a substitute in a bright red coat comes across to give the winger directions about which opposition player needs kicking.

Instructions were then carried out, which would have helped if the ball had actually have been in the same post code as the player, resulting in a comedy 'bundle' rather than a tackle.

It was met with a mix of bemusement and incredulation, with the manager coming onto the pitch to remind everyone that it is a churches league game, and that a stranger appears to be taking pictures, as though I'm working on some sort of NoTW expose.

It was Machan who got a late goal.

This proved to be the winner, as it ended 2-1.

I headed back to the Clarkston station.

And a pair of 156s on  service in from East Kilbride.

Back into Glasgow Central.

It was a quick shuffle across to a single 156 on a Newcastle via the slow route to Carlisle.

It was out over the Clyde.

And through the fringes of a drizzly Renfrewshire, until we reached the heady landmark of Kilmarnock bus station car park.

If you like prisons, this is your route, going right past HMP Kilmarnock.

It then heads down through the former Ayrshire coalfields, looking a lot pleasanter than in their heyday.

I alighted at New Cumnock.

With my unit heading off past the semaphore signal, full of middle aged drinkers from Kilmarnock, off for a night in Newcastle.

New Cumnock is a East Ayrshire mining village.  The deep mines were shut in the 1960s, but the area saw a resurgene with open cast mining, but these also shut in the last few years.  Despite it being, ahem, award winning, I found it to be fairly pleasent.  My destination could be seen just beyond the station main entrance.

Cup fever seemed to have taken a grip on the town as there were flags everywhere.

As well as some excellent Junior level grafiti.

The seemingly inevitable union flag in club colours that seems to plague Scottish football.

I have already drafted a complaint tot he council about this one, the lack of contraction apostrophe making it an unsightly mess.

Someone I worked with suggested popping into the social club by the ground, describing it as a bit threadbare but very welcoming. He was underselling it on both counts, as infact, it looked like the most decrepit building in European football.

...but was, also extremely welcoming.

I headed on to the ground.

Six pounds got me the best match ticket I've seen for a few years.

Glenafton Athletic 2 v Arthurlie 0, McBookie.com West Premier League.

Glenafton were founded in 1930, after a number of previous village sides ceased.  They were set up during a boom time for local mining.  IT was a boom time for the team as well, as they won the Ayrshire junior league at the first attempt.  They continued to be a force in Ayrshire junior football, winning the title four times, but not the national play offs.  This was to change in the 1990s, when Alan Rough took over as manager, and they won the national title in 1993.  The superleague era has seen them mostly in the west superleague, with one brief spell in the first.  This season has seen them reach the final of the Scottish Junior Cup, playing near neighbours Auchinleck Talbot in June.

Arthurlie are from Barrhead, which I had passed through on the train between Glasgow and Kilmarnock, their ground being located adjacent to the station.  The club were formed in 1874, playing in the Scottish league at the beginning of the last century.  They left amid financial issues in 1928, joining the junior set up, immediately winning the cup.  However, they didn't do much for the following years, until the superleague era saw them in the top division, and winning the cup in 1998.

Glenafton moved to Loch Park in the 1950s.  The previous ground, Connel Park, was situated out by the mines, which were a long trek from the town, and also the miners housing hemmed in the ground.

The main feature of the ground is this cover, named after a former club physio who went on to star in Lock Stock.

It contains concrete steps for seating, during the game it was being used for both standing and seating.

Adjacent to it was a fair stretch of open terrace.

However, by far my favourite part of the ground was the wonderfull grass terracing.  

This wasn't just a grass ban, it had actually been stepped and then grassed.

This stretched round to the far touchline.

Some clues to the industrial past of the area as coal shale had been used to build an access ramp up the terrace.

Though there was modest seating on this side.

The far end was housing, so couldn't be accessed.

Tucked in the corner was a pavilion housing the changing rooms, and then sponsors facilities above.

TV facilities were on a more modest scale.

The game started.  I always think football at this level is better than a lot of league clubs, so watched as straight from the kick off, the first intricate pass down the wing...

...ended up in the adjacent housing estate.

The ground is overlooked by Blackcraig Hill, with the mist swirling around its peak.

The away side had a @keepers_towel on display.

As well as this, the railway line could also just about been seen from the ground, however there was only one @nonleague_train booked to pass during the game.  So here is 1E76 1213 Glasgow Central to Newcastle arriving at the station as Glenafton attack.

And here it is departing the station, conveniently as Arthurlie attack at the other end.

Another scene I hope to recreate in my retirement.

With spectator numbers being low on the side I was watching from...



I joined the hoards on the main stand side.

There was a fairly sizeable and partisan crowd.

 Glenafton took the lead.

And added a second.

They are third int he league, one of four teams on a similar number of points at the top.

However, it seemed that both supporter and players were focused on the forthcoming cup final.

A very enjoyable game ended 2-0.

It was back over the adjacent river Nith.

I headed back to the station.  Note the disabled ramp on the left, reputedly the longest woodern structure to be built in the UK since the SS Great Western.

But instead of heading back home, I had part of another game to attend.  So it was onto a Glasgow bound service.  

Heading northwards and into Auchinleck, with some reverse @nonleague_train, the game being spied between the houses from the train.

It was off at the station, still sporting its lovely lattice Glasgow and South Western Railway footbridge.  

Auchinleck was originally the centre of the Boswell family estate.  They exploited the local aggregates and mineral deposits, specifically coal mining, which in turn also saw it house a power station.  However, the mining and industry shut in the 1980s, to which the area hasn't really recovered with any dominant industry.   There were more team colours in the street.

I knew where the ground was, but not where the entrance was located.  I walked down a residential street when to one side spottedthis, which I have to say, is probably the second roughest entrance to a ground I have ever seen (Cleator Moor Celtic wins that particular prize).  The turnstile could be found by following the trail of parts that make up a 1998 Suzuki Swift.  

To start with a front suspension unit.

The body panels.

And finally the engine and gearbox, which took me to the turnstile.

Auchinleck Talbot 1 v Troon 0, McBookie.com West Premier League.

Auchinleck Talbot were formed in 1909.  They have always been part of the junior set up, and a major force in it, winning the cup 11 times and about to compete in this years final.  They have won the West Superleague for the last four seasons, and the cup in three of them.

Troon I covered on a visit there earlier this year.  They are currently bottom of the league. 

Beechwood Park opened in 1909, with the land being donated by the Talbot family, who the club then named itself after.  Over time, mining spoil was brought in to level the ground and form terraces.

The main structure was once the grandstand extension at Hamilton Academicial's Douglas Park.

A more recent addition is this cover over the terracing on the opposite touchline.

The original cover is at the end by the main entrance, where the club house and changing rooms are also located. 

The remaining end is uncovered terracing.

I'd arrived just before half time, but there was a quick opportunity to get the @keepers_towel infront of the main stand.

Half time and a wander to the club house to get a programme.  The entrance is from outside the ground, so an opportunity to take in another extremely partisan dwelling. 

And the artwork around the main entrance, which seems to be based on an LSD flashback of the town in the 1930s.

The much more impressive main entrance.

Which even had bespoke club ironwork to get onto the pitch.

More artistic handiwork in the cover.  An official saw me taking the photo and insisted on removing the discarded Buckfast bottles on the shelf.

The staff in the clubhouse were extremely obliging in sourcing a programme for me.  The person who had them was the same person who ran the half time draw, and there was some confusion as I was bestowed with the winnings rather than a programme, but all sorted, and a chance to read how half the away support at last weeks game in Cumberland, turned up at a forest in the middle of no where, as the postcode on the website was wrong.  I was also keen to source an advertised local delicacy, 'invented in Auchinleck'.

A chance to visit some fantastic old skool piss-against-a-wall toilets.

Though the back wall was missing, which wouldn't have been a problem...

...unless a public footpath went past the ground, giving an unimpeded view.

The appearance of the @keepers_towel at the other end, signified the start of the second half.

Auchinleck were one of the four teams vying for the title, and had a couple of games in hand over their rivals.  However, they continually missed chances.

Added to this was a fairly robust display from the Troon defence, meant the home supporters became disgruntled.

This led to a quite magnificent display of swearing.  Now I've been to many thousand football games, and drunk in even more dodgy pubs, but never have I experienced swearing of such ferocity, creativity, and endurance.

It was utterly magnificent.  I've heard the word shitehawk before, but here that wasn't found to convey enough emotion.  So instead the phrase was 'fucking shite shitehawk'.

This bloke was on his own on the far side, and a particular firm exponent of the profanity, following play along the terrace with a stream of expletives.  Except it turned out he was the away manager.

Here a group of pensioners descend on the linesman for having the temerity to insist a throw in is taken within thirty feet of where the ball was kicked out.  However, these gents managed to get six swear words into the phrase 'time wasting'.  'fucking bastards fucking time wasting fucking wee arseholes'.

The main stand seemed to be juts as lively, so I headed over to it.  There were three rules listed for the main stand.

1.  No standing along the front.  Never mind.



2.  No smoking.  Oh well.

The third was that children under 14 must be accompanied by an adult.  Needless to say the most prominant occupants were a gaggle of youths throwing rolos at the old bloke stood up at the front.

More hillsides over looking the ground.  This time the location of Dumfries House, a mansion which in 2007 was bought from the Marquess of Bute by the state for £45 million, apparently due to the risk of its historic furniture collection being split up.  So on the day you find that the NHS can be brought to its knees as it can't afford IT security, you find that the government is pissing away money on antique chairs.

The game got a bit boring, and the best swearers were having a bit of a break, so I watched a bloke erecting a shed.



Until rather inconsiderately, he got board and started strimming his lawn instead.

Back to the game and Troon now had a few chances, with the sweary pensioners now bemoaning an apparently clueless manager, whereon it got a bit heated as it was pointed out that he had won the league for the last four seasons.  (actual transcript "he's nae fucking clueless you knackered old cunt").

Still more missed chances.

Troon were a particularly rotund side, and the glabrous number four was receiving particular ire. 'shut your fookin mouth yae wee stumpy fooking bald prick'.

But come the 92nd minute, just as all hope seemed lost.

A break down the right resulted in a cross to an unmarked forward, who lashed it into the net.

To the delight of the winger and the crowd.

Almost immediately the game finished.

A relieved Auchinleck and a dejected Troon, trudged off the field.

The two top sides were playing each other, finishing 0-0, so these two results make it an extremely close finish to the league.

Heading off and passing today's mutilated wild life.

Back to the station.

Onto another Glasgow - Newcastle service.

This time south bound.  This is the secondary route to Carlisle, but just as scenic as the the main West Coast route.

The hills around Dumfries, combined with the cattle, give it a highland feel.

And down through the forests towards Gretna Green.

Eventually across the Solway Firth.

And into Carlisle.  The station roof is being renovated so it is currently covered in scaffold boards, making it almost as gloomy as Leeds.

Across the way, and a large police presence on the Cumbrian Coast line.  On a Saturday, the residents of Workington and Maryport take time away from pointing at aeroplanes, and go to Carlisle to get hammered.  The evening trains back are particularly lawless. 

I was on a more civilised London bound Pendolino.

The Lake District was looking brighter than it was on the way up.  Certainly brighter than Carlisle station did.

Into Preston.

Where the police were dealing with Chorley fans on their way back from their play off game at Halifax.  Non-league supporters can be a bit of a throwback, but to still be sing 'We love you Chorley, we do' seemed particularly lame.

My York bound service rolled in.

And it was across to Sowerby, in the company of Leeds teenagers who had been in Blackpool all day, but a mixture of alcopops and candifloss meant a sugar rush that had put them to sleep by Lostock.

The end of yet another excellent day enjoying Ayrshire Junior football, re-affirming it as my favourite level of the game, and the added bonus of the upstanding citizens of Auchinlech teaching me some wonderful new phrases.