Chronicles of the Berkshire Pig: Badminton Racket

Rock Crusaders v VCF Santos

Stonehouse Town 3rds v Abbeymead Rovers Reserves

Stonehouse Town v Broadwell Amateurs

Tuffley Rovers 3rds v Tibberton United

Tuffley Rovers 4ths v Barnwood United Reserves

Tuffley Rovers v Oxford City Nomads

I used to live in Swindon and had a holiday home in Yorkshire. However, a change of job means that I now live in Yorkshire, which means I have become the only person in the history of mankind to have a holiday home in Swindon. Work commitments led me to being in the Paris of North East Wiltshire for the weekend, foregoing the local beach, cathedral or art gallery, and instead a jaunt to a few local games.

The start was Swindon bus station, which has somehow managed to look worse now the multi storey car park that used to sit on it has been removed.

We trundled on through Brinkworth, which rather oddly claims to be the longest village in England, mainly as at each end it has claimed two houses that are miles away from the village itself.

This took me out through Wooton Bassett, recently gaining its royal prefix for being where parts of teenage servicemen who have been blown up in politicians wars are flown back to. The football team has recently moved from its rather unspectacular central location, to a sports complex on the edge of town. I haven't yet summoned up the resilience to visit the inevitable railed 4G pitch and Stadia UK prefab which it undoubtedly is.

My destination was Malmesbury, who's main notoriety is that it is where Dyson are based. Well, the offices are, the factory has long since relocated to China.

The town's football team, Malmesbury Victoria, spend most of their time being relegated from, or promoted to, the Hellenic league from the Wiltshire County. Here is their magnificently named Flying Monk ground, though it is now largely obscured from the main road by a Co-op.

Into the main square, which acts as a hub for local public transport. It is actually a very well organised operation, with the buses all connecting on the hour with each other. This being the odd hour, only the two hourly services connect; my bus in from Swindon sits behind my next bus heading for Yate.

Rather untimely, the website for The Bristol Churches League was down, so I'd been unable to confirm the status of my first game. However, arriving into the village of Badminton, I spied action taking place.

So it was off in the rather idyllic Main Street. The village is basically just the workers houses for Badminton House, the home of the Duke of Beaufort, and famous for its annual horse dancing contest.

This time last week I was searching for my game through the NCB estates of Maltby. This week it was the idyllic village green of a quintessential English village. At least there is no Wetherspoon to be admonished for slagging off.

Probably not going to see any whippet racing this week either.

Rock Crusaders 2 v VCF Santos 2, Bristol Churches League

Looking up the background of the teams I watch, I've come to realise how easy it is to set up a church. In this case in 1983, a couple from Yate 'felt that God was calling them to establish a new church in the town', and so Christ the Rock was set up in their house. The next great innovation in Yate, was that the first ever episode of 'The Hitman and Her' was filmed at Spirals nightclub in the town.

Vineyard Club Futebol are aligned to the Bristol Vineyard church. The fact that the opening line on the church's website is "We are a church - not a wine-merchants", probably alludes to my questioning of if normal churches exist any more? Anyway, they say they have two teams in the league - VCF Santos in the first division and Racing VCF in the third, though I don't think the latter exists anymore.

I made my way across the vast recreation area.

On arriving at the pitchside, I was accosted by one of the subs who made a joke about me arriving late, which was a little odd. The opposition sub, who was running the line, then stated that they had started already but I needed to get changed quickly as they'd already been a dodgy penalty. At this point a car screeched in the gravel opposite, and a rather elderly gent in full refs kit emerged. There is another team in the league who play at Badminton Road playing fields in Downend, on the edge of Bristol. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one the ref turned up at.

This meant I was free to watch the game, though the one man cover was already occupied.

This is probably my favourite view of the season, with the cricket scoreboard and tiny pavilion behind the goal.

There was another step 40 @keepers_towel on display, along with the makeshift ladder for the nets.

It was actually top v bottom, with the home side propping up the table. This was reflected in the play, with it being all Santos.

However, a speculative shot saw the home side double the lead.

A more rustic halftime viewing, of a roof being re-thatched.

The away side were in league with the devil in terms of the J name modern curse. Two Jacks, a Joseph, and a brand new one, Jowan. I bet their number eight doesn't get booked that much.

The onslaught of the Crusaders goal continued in the second half.

In the background is the main railway line to South Wales. However, it can't be seen as the Duke insisted it was hidden from his view. So it is in a massive cutting which is always flooding. A missed opportunity for @nonleague_train.

With it looking like the home side were going to hold out...

...Santos eventually scored.

And thirty seconds later got the equaliser.

I thought this would start a deluge of goals, but it instead ended 2-2.

I headed back to what looked to be the main village bus stop.

Which actually was only served by the once a week, market day service to Chippenham.

So it was instead back to the gates of the Manor House.

And the horse trials office.

Bloody health tourists.

Back to the main road and a very dominant ball tree, where in time my bus rolled in.

As variety, I'd intended my next move to be on to Yate and then Cam & Dursley, but timings didn't work so it was back to Malmesbury.

With the luxury of a ten minute connection, it was a quick wander over to the abbey, with the Market Cross in front, who's 15th century builders showed great foresight in providing shelter for women's institute cake sales.

Back to the main square and with it being the even hour, it was the four way bus move with services heading for Swindon, Yate and Cirencester.

However, my move was from the next stand.

You London types reading, this is what your taxes are being spunked away on. My sole fellow traveller for the duration of the journey.

The journey to Chippenham passes Hullavington Airfield. In order to disguise them from aerial attack, they were turf covered, and look like something the sarcy bloke who always wears North face, would slag off in Grand Designs. It now houses indoor carting. Our forefathers died for this freedom.

I was off at the Chippenham train station.

The direct route to the West of England was closed for engineering work so those services were being diverted via the Great Western Main Line.

This congestion had delayed my London bound service by five minutes.

Which was taken to Swindon for a four minute connection onto a Cheltenham train, the connection being made by shouting across from the arriving train to the mid-dispatch guard of the other train.

Up through the Stroud valley. This lineside field hosts an underground spring which is the source of the Thames. I'm pretty sure I mention this every time I go on this route.

I was off at Stonehouse, who's two coach platform is a challenge for the eight coach HST that was working the service. Stonehouse is the ginger stepchild of the family of Cotswold towns. Whilst others have ornate stone station ticket offices...

...Stonehouse look like it was the losing first round entry in an episode of scrap heap challenge.

Whilst the village green had people squatting on it.

However, I was heading across to the other railway line that runs through the town.

And the vast playing fields that sit in the junction between the two lines.

In the near corner the main ground, but more of that later.

I headed to the far corner, just in time to see the 0632 Dundee to Plymouth race past.

Stonehouse Town 3rds 2 v Abbeymead Rovers Reserves 2, Stroud and District League - Division 4

Stonehouse Town Thirds are the third team of Stonehouse Town, of which more later.

Abbeymead Rovers were formed in 1997 as a kids team in east Gloucester. Kids got older, formed a senior team. History lesson ends.

The pitch sits right in the v at Standish Junction. The Great Western Line from London to Cheltenham is on the embankment on the left, the Midland line from Birmingham to Bristol is on the right.

The away side had all the early play, with the home goalie keeping his side in the game.

Now I could give a few shots of general play...

...but I know you'd rather watch the game through the medium of passing trains.

So an Abbeymead free kick to the backdrop of 1S49 1125 Plymouth to Dundee.

On the Western line, a GWR 150/2 passes on 2B94 1301 Cheltenham Spa to Swindon, with the Stonehouse forward moaning about something, which he did for most of the game.

Back on the Midland line, the away forward points out the unique 150/9 hybrid three car Sprinter is on 2E22, the 1110 Weymouth to Gloucester.

The game finished 2-2, with the away goals coming from an odds defying combination of an own goal and then the keeper scoring.

I was back to the former coal depot. Gloucestershire County Council were very prolific at building new stations, with Yate, Cam & Dursley and Ashchurch all being opened. The next one was to be here, to serve Bristol. However, the county then started flooding and all the councils money was spent drying out Tewkesbury, so the station never got built.

A busy ground, with notable strict adherence to emergency vehicle access to the pitch.

A sight like this and you know you are about to enter a ground of wonder.

Regular viewers will know I am a big fan of bespoke hand written notices, though a bit too obvious sucking up to the match officials.

Stonehouse Town 1 v Broadwell Amateurs 0, Marcliff Gloucestershire County League - Premier Division

Stroud is the major town in this area, but has never really had a senior football team. This means the surrounding locations have had the strong teams; Brimscombe and Thrupp to the east, Forest Green Rovers to the south, and then Stonehouse to the west. Stonehouse FC were formed in 1898, playing in local competitions before stepping up to the Western league in 1947. They stated there for ten years, winning promotion to the first division, before dropping back down to the Gloustershire County League, which they then dropped out of in the 1980s. After a stint as Stonehouse Freeway, they merged with the local youth side in 2006, becoming Town, and have since risen back up through the leagues, winning the Glos North last season and are now top of the Glos senior, and looking for promotion to the Hellenic.

Broadwell is a village in the Forest of Dean. The football club has been going for over a century, playing in the various Gloucestershire leagues, winning the North Senior two seasons ago.

Opened by Billy Wright in 1949, Oldends Lane is one of the classic non-league venues.

The structures date from the ground opening. This cover is an oft photographed structure, which pictures don't really do justice to, as it has always retained its dark colours.

Behind the goal is the other cover, though it has been shortened over the years. The first time I was here, the cover extended the full width of the pitch, with a collection of garden sheds at the near end.

Because of Stonehouse's previous lowly status, there have never been any ground grading requirements, so it is only now that hard standing is being added.

Thankfully, these aren't taking away the character of the ground.

Probably a last look at the undisturbed grass bank around the two sides of the ground.

As well as the excellent facilities, there is always a lively home crowd. The end cover was occupied by a collection of vocal kids.

The Stonehouse service crew had stormed the former covered terrace.

Most others had chosen the grass banking around the entrance, including the pop-up stand with help yourself garden furniture available.

A few dedicated soles were in the restricted view of the main cover.

But as ever, you can give non-league spectators a thousand luxury seating options, yet they will still choose the pile of discarded building debris to watch the game from.

The good news is that yet again, the game can be told through passing trains. Firstly 1V56 the 0750 Glasgow Central to Plymouth gets to see the early exchanges of the game.

An offside decision accompanys the passage of an HST on 1L67, the 1400 off Cheltenham Spa running only to Swindon as engineering works in the Thames Valley meant there was no capacity for it to run through to London.

Great Western hire in a South West Trains class 158 each day, and this was forming 2M98 the 1227 Southampton Central to Great Malvern, with a rare foray upfield for the visitors.

Passing the third team game in the far distance is 1M53 1500 Bristol Temple Meads to Manchester Piccadilly.

The keeper goes to retrieve a stray shot as 1G38 1416 Swindon to Cheltenham Spa heads off to Gloucester.

There was also a home @keepers_towel. Though this was tempered by the frankly hideous keepers kit.

Adding to January's Cumbrian trip and watching Milnthorpe in the shadow of the old Um Bongo Factory, today's 1980s desert factory backdrop is the industrial complex on the horizon, which is where Muller Fruit Corners are made.

Despite a few chances, the score remained 0-0.

The programme was excellent for this level, and was free with entry. Though there was a bit of confusion about who the away side were. The stated side having one of my favourite club names.

Anyway, some players fell over each other.

The away manager watched intently.

But eventually the home side scored a late goal, to win 1-0.

With still some time left of the later kick offs, I headed back to the main road for a bus into Gloucester.

I was tempted by stopping off at the Green Lane home of Hardwick, but carried on.

If you are a fan of half built Gloucestershire housing estates (well, if 80,000 people turn up to watch rugby union, anythings possible), then this bus ride is the tour for you.

I hopped off in Lower Tuffley.

I headed for a quick stop off at Holmleigh Park.

Tuffley Rovers 4ths 3 v Barnwood United Reserves 1, Stroud and District League - Division 5

I got to see the last 30 seconds of this game, which was probably all I needed to.

Tuffley Rovers 3rds 0 v Tibberton United 0, Stroud and District League - Division 2

So headed on and got the last fifteen seconds of this one.

The referee appeared to be a time traveller from the 1923 FA Cup final.

Quite taken by this speed dating way of watching football, I decided to try and see if I could get the last five seconds of the clubs first team.

Tuffley Rovers have the most well disguised ground entrance in football.

After walking straight past it, I finally remebered where it was.

The Wembley way of central Gloucestershire.

The fact that the approach road was devoid of both learner drivers and fly tipped mattresses, reflects how well hidden it is.

But my perseverance was rewarded.

Tuffley Rovers 2 v Oxford City Nomads 3, Uhlsport Hellenic League - Premier Division

Tuffley Rovers were formed in 1929, playing in the local leagues until the rise of Gloucester City in the 1980s meant there was an opportunity for a second senior club in the City. Tuffley picked up the mantle, moving up through the Gloucester County to the Hellenic league in the 1990s. They soon reached the premier division, but for reasons that I can't now remember but think was to do with threats of ground grading, they left the Hellenic mid season in 2005. The reserves stepped up to the Glos County league in 2007, and by 2013, the new side were back in the Hellenic.

Oxford City Nomads are in effect, the reserve side of Oxford City. They had their origins as Quarry Nomads, who were an old boys team of Quarry School, who moved up to the Chiltonian in the 1990s, which then became division one of the Hellenic league. They added the required Oxford to their name in the mid 2000s, and then aligned with Oxford City in 2007.

I have always had real affection for Glevum Park. The club moved to it in 1984, it being wasteland owned by the gasboard. Since then they have added a myriad of stands, all the complete antitheses of the modern 4G-rails-prefab set ups.

The original structures are these two. The rickety combined dugout structure in the centre, with its petite neighbour added in the early 1990s.

On the opposite touchline, another great home spun structure, seemingly made from ply wood and hope.

In the near corner, is the latest offering. Much more off the shelf than the others, but still of a much higher spec than the normal three-step Stadia-Uk crap.

finally is a new stretch of covered standing on the opposite side of the goal.

The far goal is officially out of bounds to spectators, but I've often watched here unchallenged. However, the rather wet ground seems to have claimed the foundations of the netting that has been erected.

It is fair to say that Tuffley has a fairly earthly reputation. Its Wikipedia page has 'Poverty and crime' as its second heading. However, I've always found Rovers to be an extremely welcoming club, with nice views over to Robinswood Hill.

There was a spectacular collection of groundsman's clutter.

In a perfect 'big train' scenario, at the back of the tiny stand, was football's biggest roller.

One day I'll work out what this thing does, though it looks great.

And a pitchside wind chime made of pluming accessories.

The older structures are all well maintained in the club colours, though it does clash with the keepers kit.

When I arrived it was 1-3 to Oxford, but the home team pulled one back.

Which caused an issues as their air horn sent their dog into a frenzy. Fair play to the bloke who has nailed seven cans of Carling during the game.

If I arrive very late at a game, I don't normally bother with a programme, but the Tuffley one is always of a high standard. The ever helpful club officials hunted one down for me, and I then had to forcefully get them to accept money for it and an entrance fee. I really want the referee to make it to the professional leagues, just so Neil Warnock has to try and get his name right during his predictable after match ref blaming interview.

There were a few more chances.

But the home side couldn't get an equaliser.

It finishing 2-3 to Oxford.

With the stand housed announcer choosing to accompany the players exit from the pitch to a rare outing of Shaggy's Ooh Carolina.

Heading back into the centre, and Knowing I'd miss the next train, I walked the forty odd minutes back to the station, which does a great impression of the customs office of a minor cross channel ferry terminal.