Zion New Boys v Southey Wolves
Droylsden v Radcliffe Borough
A day out based around the delightful lineside ground at Edale and a bonus late afternoon kick off, which meant I was giving Manchester non-league its two monthly opportunity to completely fuck me over. There had been some overnight rain, but the forecast for today was sunshine, so what could possibly go wrong?
The day was to start with a morning kick off in the Sheffield churches league, so it was the 0726 off Sowerby Bridge.
Checking my fixtures for the day, and the first change of plans saw my early evening fixture had moved venue and time, neither of which were now convenient. At least for once a postponement in the Manchester leagues was both advertised and seemingly justifiable.
Into Leeds, with our arrival being beseiged by Karrimor clad pensioners, as the unit has a short turn round before forming a "Little" North Western service to Morecambe, serving the Craven walking areas.
I was off to Doncaster, and having just missed a Kings Cross bound East Coast service, it was onto the Northern all shacks. This was formed of a class 322, which were five units originally built for Stansted Express services when the railway to the airport opened in the early 1990s.
Into Donny, and in the bay centre road, a 321/9, one of three units added onto the huge Network South East order to work the Doncaster - Leeds stopping service when it was electrified in the 1980s.
I was off to the bus interchange, and with half an hour until my bus, I did a fill in move on a 16 to Balby to have a quick recce at the required ground there.
Things I now know. The East Midlands Counties League team are not from Balby, as they are actually called Blaby & Whetstone, and are from Leicester. Armed with my new knowledge, I jumped on the next bus to Rotherham via half of South Yorkshire.
I was heading through the former South Yorkshire coalfield. The demise of mining activity has seen nature fully reclaim the area. So on the one hand you have astronomic levels of unemployment, social deprivation and financial hardship which has driven the locals to political radicalism as a protest to the ruling status quo, which could potentially bring the countries to its knees. But on the other hand, my bus journey is now through lovely green fields. What a dilemma.
As ever with social essential, heavily subsidised bus services, I was the only one on it.
I was off at Maltby, which is famous for having the most depressing Whetherspoons in Britain, and is also home to the Chuckle Brothers.
The football ground is on the south east fringes of the town. A sure sign that you are near a non-league ground is the sound of a high revving Vauxhall Corsa, as the deserted approach roads are havens for learners making piss-poor attempts at three point turns. On this occasion, it was not only the scream of the accelerator I could hear, but also the burning smell of a steadily melting clutch.
I was here to watch a game in the Sheffield and District Fair Play league, which is the local churches competition. At first, there didn't appear much sign of action.
However, passing the miners welfare club, my fears were unfounded as the teams were warming up.
Zion New Boys ? v Southey Wolves ?, Sheffield Fair Play League - Division 4.
I take it that Zion New Boys are affiliated to the Zion Evangelical Church in Maltby. I have seen them play before as a few years ago I did a season progressing through each letter of the alphabet to choose the home team, and these were one of only three teams beginning with Z.
I could tell you that Southey Wolves were founded in 2010, and that they are based in the Parson Cross area of North Sheffield, but all you probably want to know is that their chairman is called Craig Crapper.
With Maltby being dominated by the colliery, it is no surprise that the sporting facilities are attached to the Miners welfare. The Muglet Lane complex is huge, with a cricket pitch, the main club football pitch, then two other pitches, one of which was being used for this game.
The large welfare clubhouse sits next to the ground, which also used to be the main entrance into the complex, but these gates look long since secured closed.
Excellent compliance to park football's 'one player from each side must have different coloured shorts' rule. What made this better, as can be seen here, was the home player wearing black shorts instead of blue, whilst the away player wearing blue instead of black, as though they had swapped with each other just to comply.
The away keeper was the custodian of all the warm up balls, as well as the valuables bag.
Being one of the christian leagues, it adheres strictly to the fair play and no swearing rules. Well it did for the first minute or so, until the away keeper declared to the ref "swap the balls over, this one's like a fookin' puddin".
The new ball immediately brought a goal for the home side, though I think it was disallowed for offside.
In the spirit of balanced reporting, here is some fair play, with the Southey returning the ball to Zion after it had been put out of play as one of their players had just been kicked in the head.
I'm not a big fan of tiki-taka three hundred passes amongst the defense sort of football. It is fair to say that this game didn't challenge my patience with any attempt at such play. Here is the end result of a shot from the edge of the six yard box, hit with such accuracy that it actually came off the forward's thigh and shot forty foot in the air. Bear in mind the ball is on its downward trajectory here as I'd had to wait for it to come back in shot.
Immediately behind the goal was the ground of Maltby Main FC, who play in the Northern Counties East League. The floodlights are of a suspiciously NCB alike design. I can't help but think that somewhere in South Yorkshire in the 1980s, a coal blending site was operating under only half the illumination it should have had, as the lamp towers had mysteriously gone missing.
With their ground open, half time gave an opportunity for a wander around.
Maltby Main have been around in various guises since the early 1900s, but in the present form since 1973 when they joined the Yorkshire League, which became the NCEL in the 1980s, where they have been since.
I've been to the ground previously, once when former Reading player Dick Habbin was manager, then again on a visit from Worksop when the Robin Hood line opened in the 1990s. Since my last attendance, another cover has been added adjacent to the longstanding seated area.
When the revolution finally happens and I have sole responsibility for ground grading rules, one of the first I will impose is that all non-league signage should be made using car number plates.
Maltby are well ahead of the game with this splendid contribution.
Being a Yorkshire mining community, the lazy stereotypical view would be old blokes in flat caps with whippets. So what's going on at the far touchline?
Well, old blokes in flat caps with whippets.
Fair play to this crowd, who had set up their own makeshift flapping track. The bloke sat down is operating a home made hare, with the wire stretching up around one of the trees at the far end, with the other persons were human traps, on this occasion a young whippet called Rosie heading off after the prize.
Unable to find a pigeon fancier, just to complete the full set of northern sports, instead I headed back for the second half of the game. There were possibly more goals.
My onward bus went from outside the ground, just after the game was due to finish. However, due to the delay whilst the bloke was having his head unstoved, it was still going on at departure time. Annoyingly, just as I could see my bus heading around the ground to the stop, a late penalty/free kick was given.
As it was an hourly service, I had to go for the bus. Holding my phone above my head, I got this shot of the outcome, but have no idea whether it was a goal.
And so onto my bus.
Because Maltby has no rail station, it has a plentiful bus service. I was on the X1 service, which First renamed just after they had gone to the effort of embroidering the seats with X78, its old name.
The X1 is meant to be an express, limited stop service to Rotherham and Sheffield. Limited stop obviously means something different around these parts, as there were only a couple of lamp posts we didn't stop at. Here we descend into the Rother valley.
I've done this route before, and the major landmark is this on the right at Herringthorpe, which is without doubt the most sloping pitch I've ever seen. Side to side is nigh on 45°.
Into Rotherham Interchange. Just as shit as ever.
My bus headed off on its express journey to Sheffield. Via Ickles, Templeborough, Tinsley, Meadowhall, Carbrook, Attercliffe, Tesco, Wk2, Fitzalan Square, Arundel Gate, Charles Street, Moorhead and Moor Market.
It was a short walk to the station, which was besieged with police as Rotherham were playing Villa. The god squad on the right had decided that they weren't making much progress in converting North Birmingham to the work of the lord, and were heading off to Meadowhall.
I was on a Leeds-Sheffield service, today with a 158 vise the normal 144.
Passing the New York Stadium.
Into one of the northern bays at Sheffield, which also seems to be the alfresco base for the station cleaners, adding to the ambience.
It was down the island platform to the south end bay, for a Pacer on the all shacks to Manchester. This was full of mountain bikers, with four grand carbon fibre bikes, moaning mercifully about the £2.80 rail fare and when the guard came round to collect tickets, lying to say they had got on at Grindleford so they only paid about 40p to go to Edale. Just when you thought you'd run out of reasons to detest cyclists.
By now the sun was beaming down over the Hope Valley.
However, pulling into Edale and there wasn't much sign of life at my next venue.
I was off at the station, the mountain bikers having already ridden at full pelt down the platform, sending all the paying customers scattering.
Edale itself is pretty much two bits of fuck all, but it is a centre for walking and is the start of the Pennine Way. The village is therefore full of fell runners, pensioners looking for a National Trust cafe, and mid thirties second dates in pristine Sports Direct walking shoes, looking very regretful for declaring on their Guardian Soul Mates profile, how much they loved the great outdoors.
The pathway under the railway looked equally unhopeful about the game being on.
The somewhat rustic entrance to the ground wasn't showing any signs of life.
Nor were the somewhat homespun dressing rooms.
It has to be said, the ground is in a stunning location.
However, the bottom goal area showed why the game was probably off.
A paddle to the goal itself confirmed a rather deserved postponement.
The cricket wicket was equally sodden, and would have turned a Boycott key test into a James Herriot calving scene. Notice the bowling target for any budding Douglas Jardines.
The reason for the visit to this particular ground also lay at this end, as the up starting signal for the Hope Valley line crashed off, into a distinctly unnatural upper quadrant position.
Which signified the passing of a Northern class 142 on a Manchester to Sheffield all shacks.
Going the other way was East Midland Trains 1R74, the 0857 from Norwich which having deposited most of its passengers in Sheffield to watch their game at Wednesday, was today running only running as far as Manchester Oxford Road, due to the landslip at Liverpool. The line blockage was also depriving me of a Sunday game at Guiseley Vixens v Blackpool Wren Rovers as I was instead dutifully complying with on-call duties and assisting passengers off trains and onto busses at South Liverpool Parkway, wistfully reminiscing of its Holly Park past.
With no game in the offing, it was back to the station, but there will definitely be a revisit, especially as the Hope Valley season generally goes on into May with some midweek games.
An often photoed railway scene, looking towards Edale signal cabin, though the loops have been lifted since the days of 'Peds' on Mk1s used to work the route.
My Pacer turned right at New Mills, taking the joint line up to Romiley, where I alighted because, as the feather shows, these then head off for the direct route to Piccadilly via Reddish.
With no game at Edale, it was instead a 1400 kick off in the Manchester League, with Dukinfield Town Reserves v Avro Reserves showing as still being on at the nearby Woodhams Park. This meant heading up to Hyde.
Hyde Central hadn't got any more beautiful since my last visit in December.
Even with the addition of a mutilated dead rat at the station entrance.
A short walk took me to the rather architectually adventurous bus station, and a Stagecoach 346 heading for Ashton.
This dropped me off on the Cheetham Hill Road.
It was a short walk to the Blocksages Playing Fields, on which Dukkinfield's ground is situated. It is also the home of Dukinfield RUFC and was a hive of activity.
Except on the one pitch which I cared about. Once again, step 11 in Greater Manchester calls off games at will, and without any notification. This wasn't a new ground for me, as I have previously seen Curzon Ashton Ladies play here, but still annoying.
So back to the bus stop to rejoin the next Ashton bound service, with some great Mancunian parking to contend with.
However, checking on the bus revealed option C was also scuppered.
So it was plan D.
Arrival into Ashton bus station.
And straight over to the adjacent tram terminus.
Onto Droylsden.
And the very short walk from the centre to the adjacent football ground.
Droylsden 3 v Radcliffe Borough 3, Northern Premier League - Division 1 North
Radcliffe Borough were formed in 1949, playing in the South East Lancashire League, moving to the Manchester League and Lancashire Combination and finally the Cheshire League, which became the North West Counties League. It took only a couple of years before they were champions and were promoted to the Northern Premier League, where they have since had spells in the top division.
The Butcher's Arms Ground is without doubt one of the best named. It has been used as a sports ground by various Droylsden clubs since the late 1800s. However, it wasn't until the 1950s when it developed as a football ground, with the council purchasing it and turning the pitch round, and erecting some structures.
The dominant feature is the main stand, which dates from the early 1990s and really has the look of the time, being an elevated version of the Witton/Aylesbury/Kingstonian stands.
On the opposite touchline, the original standing cover remains.
However, a significant covered terrace has been built behind one goal, when the pitch was lengthened as it was found to be too short to enter the FA competitions.
I'd arrived at half time. In keeping with the theme of the days, the home of the subs had a unique warm up of punting the ball as high in the air as they could, for no apparent reason.
I'd seen Droylsden earlier in the season, at a spanking they took at Kendal, and the minuscule @keepers_towels appears to be a main stay.
This is the first step 8 Sports Rehabilitator I've seen. Though they obviously weren't a key enough member to be allowed on the bench.
A lot of footballers get their hair cut like their music idols. It is rare these days to see ones whose hero is obviously Dave Hill from Slade.
Radcliffe were already 0-2 up, and soon added a third.
From what I'd seen, this looked like a fair reflection of the game, however, Droylsden somehow got a quick goal back.
Then added another.
Before then getting an equaliser.
The game ended a rather unexpected 3-3.
After the game it was back to the tram stop amongst the crowded Manchester Road traffic.
Back it the centre of Manchester and with a central zone tram ticket and a few minutes to spare, I chose to get in the new second city crossing line.
This links St Peters Square and Victoria, but heads along Cross Street, avoiding the congested route at Piccadilly Gardens. This is actually my walk to work each day, so I've seen the line steadily being built, so it was somewhat strange to be finally riding it.
It was back to Victoria.
There is nothing more depressing thing to be doing on a Saturday than to be getting the exact train home that you do the rest of the week. Sure enough I was on the 1815 Victoria - Leeds, though formed of a less salubrious 150/1 at the weekend instead of my normal three car 158.
And back into Sowerby.
Only two games to show for the travels; Maltby - a nice revisit to a new pitch, Edale - lovely views but shame about the game, Droylesden - as reliable and unspectacular as ever, Manchester step 11 - when will I learn and finally give up on the charade that this actually exists?
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