Chronicles of the Berkshire Pig: Not King Lier

Berchem Sport v SC Grimbergen

Lierse v Lommel United

Next morning and it was misty at the souless joy that is Bruxelles South. Even worse, enquiringly with Eurostar and there was no staff availability at all until the last train, which was too late for a connection back to Yorkshire, and definitely too late for Hayes and Yeading v Cambridge City.

I had the option of waiting there for a no-show but instead, I decided I might as well make a day of it. I'd thought about a morning trip to the Belgian National Railway museum at Schaarbeek, but it had a Tintin exhibition so would be full of kids, so instead I went and sorted another night in the hotel, then jumped onto an Antwerp bound RER unit.

I'd loaded up with the traditional Carrefour feast of mini-saucisson, Brugge cheese cubes, pickled onion crisps and the Belgian only caffeine free Coke Zero.

This was taken north to Berchem Deurnesteenweg. Berchem is a town in its own right, but these days is as much a Southern suburb of Antwerp.

There were a number of games in Belgium today, so I was heading to the Antwerp area as this had a good number to choose from in case of postponement. Berchem was my chosen game and I was very pleased to find it was on.

Ticket was ten euro. World's shittest tribute band on the right.

Berchem Sport 3 v SC Grimbergen 0, Belgium Second Amateur Division, VFV B

Koninklijk Berchem Sport were founded in 1904. For many years they played at the top level of Belgian Football, their heyday was in the 1950s when they were runners up three times. They gained Belgian royal ascent, but chose to use the Dutch form Koninklijk instead.

Grimberghen is located north east of Brussels. The Sports Club were founded in 1927 though they took the Dutch version of the name, Grimbergen. They worked their way up to the National series in the 1960s, and from then on, swapped between the fourth national and the provincial league.

The Ludo Coeck Stadium, was originally built in 1928 and originally named Berchem Stadium, its current name coming from their famous ex-player who died in a car crash in the 1980s, aged only 30. Designed by local architects, it was built to a tight budget, with the only nod to design being the Italianate entrance arch. It appears that no work has been done to it since it was built, but it is an absolute classic.

The main feature is the pitch length seated stand.

In the centre are three prominent gables, displaying the club name and badge.

Opposite is another pitch length cover, this time terracing.

At each end was open terracing.

The near one housed the Roman-esque grand entrance arch.

Getting round the ground was a bit of a test, with five foot high entrance ways leading to slippery pathways...

...or just mud tracks...

...which made way for woodland clearings.

The floodlights were wired up to a socket on another building, with a cable along the floor between them.

I'd given myself time to get to another game if required, so was in the ground about an hour before kick off. There was snow around the pitch but it didn't seem to be affecting the players as they warmed up.

I'm not sure how much of the ground was actually open, but the stewards all looked to be supporters and were extremely friendly and easy-going. I stood on this moss and leaf covered terrace and didn't die. Lessons to be learned on stewarding for my later acquaintances at Lierse.

The teams emerged, accompanied by a lion who looked to be suffering from clinical depression.

He did cheer up a bit.

Good to see there was double @keepers_towels.

Also, from through the side terrace entrance, you could watch a succession of @nonleague_train on the Antwerp-Brussels main line.

Berchem were top of the league, and had at least twenty good chances.

Eventually they did score a penalty.

And then got another before the end of the half.

Which delighted the very vocal home support.

Classic improvised groundsman tools of a 1998 Ford Fiesta dragging a roller.

As the game progressed, the walkways had an additional hazard of blokes pissing on them as there are no toilets. It was strange that they faced away from the ground, as this was an open view onto a main road and the railway. Women got to squat in the woodland at the far end.

The ultra's stickering seemed to be from the local cycling club.

Best ever cheese advert in a football programme.

Second half and Berchem did add a third with perhaps their most difficult chance.

I had a train to catch so headed off with a couple of minutes to spare. The main stand was steaming nicely, perhaps not as much as the pathways on the other side though.

As this bloke looked on at the gladiatorial entrance. An excellent ground a very friendly club. Well recommended.

I headed down alongside the railway.

This took me to the large multi-storey car park that masquerades as Antwerp-Berchem station.

I was on a triple diesel unit that was heading to Hamont. Due to the insipid noise they make, these are nicknamed 'washing machines' although this might be ironic as their external appearance gives the impression that they clearly haven't seen one for a while.

I was off at the first stop, Lier. The town was founded on its brewing and baking, though it had previously hosted the 1496 wedding of the excellently named Phillip the Handsome. I know it for the acceptable Caves beer, and the not so good St Gummarus, and also for a university trip to the Van Hool bus factory, as they were developing tri-articulated coaches. I'm sure you all remember the AGG300.

The ground is situated in the northern suburbs, conveniently also where the station is. A ten minute walk through housing, found the ground.

Entry was 13 euro and programmes were just dumped in a box outside the club shop.

Getting in was a trial as I had a carrier bag which contained an iPad and gloves and a hat. The steward who frisked me didn't give a toss, however I was accosted by his 14 year old superior, who marched me to a bag deposit area. I wanted the hat and gloves to wear, and also the iPad to take notes, so he let me take them, but took the empty carrier bag, put a sticker on it, gave me a ticket for collecting it, then put it in a store amongst large ruck sacks and suitcases. Are this type of person born like this or does the world shape them into this? His more elderly underling stood by, shaking his head.

Lierse 5 v Lommel United 1, Belgian First Division B.

Koninklijke Lierse Sportkring were founded in 1906 and have had a fair amount of success. They first reached the top division in the 1920s, swapping between the top two levels since. However, this has seen five title wins, spread out over the years, the most recent being in 1996. They are most well known in England, for overcoming a 0-2 home deficit against the much loved 1970s Leeds team, to win 0-4 at Elland Road. God knows how many waffles the ref got for that.

Lommel is situated right in the North East corner of Belgium, on the Dutch border. K.V.S.K. United were founded in 2003 on the deeply held dual beliefs of Belgian football; bankruptcy and merger. K.F.C. Lommel S.K went bust in 2003, and so was founded K.V.S.K. United Overpelt-Lommel, who merged with KFC Racing Mol-Wezel in 2010, to become Lommel United.

The Herman Vanderpoortenstadion has been the the home ground of Lierse S.K. since 1925. It is named after Herman Vanderpoorten, a Belgian politician, former mayor of Lier between 1982 and 1984. It's current guise comes from new stands that were built in 2000 and 2009.

The main stand was unusually situated behind the goal, being twin tiers of seating, and built in 2000.

A more recent addition in 2009 was the low single deck seating stand on the far touchline.

I was on the open terrace, which was located in front of an older seating area.

Finally, the hundred or so away fans were in a stand behind the goal, of a design not seen since the Withdean.

The teams took the field.

Some old bloke who got lots of cheers kicked off.

The game was played in a woefully stale atmosphere. The home side took the lead early on, to almost no reaction from the crowd.

The only excitement came when my mate the 14 year old simpleton Steward supervisor arrived with the gaggle of deeply uninterested stewards who had half heartedly been frisking earlier. He then set about arranging them to form a barrier between the two sets of supporters, who until that point, hadn't even acknowledged each other, let alone show any signs of aggression. Predictably, this missing link with the Hitler Youth, set about his task under the pretence that he was commanding the Inca army in the final throes of the battle of Cajamarca, rather than a bunch of completely uninterested minimum wage agency staff into standing in a line to separate two groups of people who didn't need separating. It isn't a case of if he was, it is just a case of how much he is bullied at school.

Lierse added another to polite applause. In the second half, the game was excruciatingly dull. Lierse added two more and with it 4-0, I left.

As I was heading out, the elderly steward who had witnessed his pre-pubescent seniors acts of twatness earlier, enquired if I wanted my bag back, and then roared with laughter, and relayed the story to his colleagues, who responded with shakes of the head. I don't know what the Belgian is for 'you are lucky you don't have to work for the petulant prick', but I do know the international body language for it.