Hillsong Newcastle V Morpeth Mighty Oaks
Cramlington United v Red Row Welfare
Cramlington Town v Hexham
Morpeth Town v West Auckland
When I set off in the morning, all was planned for a four game jaunt around Edinburgh.
The first obstacle was an over running engineers possession around Brighouse, which stopped our departure from Sowerby Bridge, giving some additional time to take in the new floral display on the platforms. Eventually, the possession was shortened back to free up Milner Royd Junction, so we could head on, via Bradford.
Into Leeds and a mad dash to make the onward TransPennine service.
Sunshine on Leeds.
Off at York and onto a Cross Country which had come up via Doncaster. However, it was full of knobs trying to sound both posh and Scottish, which could mean only one thing, that kick and clap rugby was on at Murrayfield.
Sure enough, checking the fixtures, it was Scotland v Wales in the six nations. The thought of travelling up with rugby union cock-ends, having to endure them around Edinburgh, and then travel back with them, was too much to think about, so an alternative plan was drawn up as we headed across the Tyne.
I was off at Newcastle.
There is a North East Saturday morning churches league, and a quick check showed a game being played across at Dunston. As I'd just missed the stopping train there, it was a half hour walk there, across the Tyne.
I don't do heights, a completely irrational phobia to them. So this walk, 80 feet above the Tyne, wasn't the best. A gale force wind blowing sideways wasn't helping.
So if you saw someone on Saturday, making slow progress across the Redheugh bridge, due to having a vice like grip of the railings and staring manically at the floor, that was me.
But eventually the bridge was conquered, with a Liverpool bound transpennine service departing.
Fuck you vertigo!
Passing the sad remains of Gateshead depot, once the home of the 'generator' 47s.
Heading down through the Gateshead Teams, looking back across the Tyne to Newcastle, with the Sports Direct staff team's ground visible to the left of the church.
I was looking for a boys club on the edge of Dunston, the flats being a very easily identifiable landmark.
Sure enough, the club was found.
I'd chosen this game as the home team, Hillsong, play on a railed pitch, which is my minimum for watching a game. But the pitch was empty, which lead me to thinking the game was off.
However, at the far end of the complex, past a myriad of junior games, was a men's match, which sure enough, proved to be the one I'd been looking for.
Hillsong Newcastle 3 v Morpeth Mighty Oaks 1, North East Christian Fellowship League - Division 1.
Hillsong appears to be a religious franchise, which I have to confess, isn't something I'd heard of before. The good news Is that it is led by a bloke called Brian who is being investigated for misuse of church funds, and rather more cryptically, is alleged to have been at the centre of major vote rigging in the Australian version of pop idol. Anyway, they are the new name for the former Newcastle Christian Life Centre.
Morpeth Mighty Oaks seem to be the catering division of Morpeth Baptist Church. They spread the word of god through giving out free coffee in Alnwick and Low Fell. Boringly, it appears they have never been accused of interfering with the voting in an Antipodean reality show.
Disappointingly, this was just a park pitch.
However, almost immediately, the disappointment was broken by a Pacer hacking past on the embankment on the far touchline.
Hillsong took an early lead when a forward got a stud to a through ball...
...it trickled past the keeper at a speed akin to me crossing the bridge earlier.
Morpeth almost immediately equalised with a very well taken through ball that the forward chipped the keeper with.
In proper park football style, one player was wearing last seasons kit, which just about fitted in with the others.
The goal had the most tape I've seen stuck to it.
And so we had some bonus @nonleague_train
A Northern class 156 on 2N17 1022 Newcastle to Carlisle.
A 142 on 2W20 1044 Newcastle to Metrocentre.
A ScotRail class 156 appeared in the final throes of its journey from Glasgow to Newcastle via the least fast route possible, i.e. The G&SW down to Carlisle and then across on the Tyne valley.
Hillsong added another just before half time.
Then another in the second half.
With a few minutes remaining, I headed off.
For a walk through the arse end of Gateshead, it was surprisingly bucolic. Firstly, through the woods.
Then, amongst the drinking detritus, down the old railway that ran down to the Teams, which were wooden staithes in the Tyne, from which coal was transferred from railway wagons, down into ships.
A surprising choice for the Geordie wino.
I was heading for Dunston station.
Dunston was reopened in the mid 1980s when the Tyne Valley services were diverted this way when the route over Scotswood bridge was closed. However, bus competition, combined with the opening of a station at nearby Metro Centre, means daily usage of the station is in single figures, even with the slightly optimistic and wordy 'Hadrians Wall Country Line' promotional branding.
The waiting shelter floor was littered with discarded cigarette packets, of manufacturers which make Lambert and Butler look like finally rolled Cuban cigars.
My chariot promptly arrived, it having just started from the Metro Centre.
We bounced past the ground, just as the ref was blowing the final whistle. It ended 3-1.
Back over the Tyne, and a view of my conquered foe.
Into the bay at Central, with a 156 then dropping onto us.
I was on another 142, this time Morpeth bound.
Heading north up the East Coast Main Line, passing Newcastle's Darsley Park training ground.
This was the main destination for my afternoon.
I was off at the next stop, Cramlington. The place was a small mining community, until it was developed as a new town in the 1960s and 70s. The sort of people who were attracted to 'the Bracknell of the north' produced such notable footballing offspring as Andy Sinton, and have been especially prolific in giving football extremely vain referees, with both Mark Clattenberg and Michael Oliver coming from here.
An earlier kick off in the cup meant I was first able to get a bonus game in. This involved a wander out of town, to the sort of roundabout that is bound to have half a pit wheel sunk into it.
Ooh, close. Instead a poor attempt at a miners hand cart.
The other side of the roundabout revealed my next ground.
There had been a whole raft of postponements in the league, and wandering across the very damp playing fields, it was clear to see why.
Cramlington United 2 v Red Row Welfare 1, Amateur Cup Semi-final
Cramlington United were formed in 2010, seemingly as a name change of Cramlington Blue Star. They have moved up from the North East Amateur League and the Newcastle Corinthians League.
Red Row Welfare were previously in the Northern Alliance, but changed their name to Morpeth Sporting Club and then dropping out of the league in 2009. I take it they have gone back to their old name, rejoining the league this season.
Cramlington play at the Northburn Sports Centre, which appears to previously had some sort of Blue Star tie in.
I'm sure the local FAs are now choosing their combination of match officials so that they look like the hierarchy at a call centre.
So here we have a textbook phone operative/manager/team leader combination.
Though there was an immediate farce when the ref pointed out the goals didn't line up with each other, or the penalty spots. The ref paced out the goals distance from the edge of the penalty area.
A bit of shifting got them in the right place.
However, it was found it was actually the penalty spots that were all acock, and these were scuffed out with the agreement that if there was a penalty, then they'd revisit the discussion.
Although the goals were now in the right place, it is fair to say they weren't exactly perpendicular with each other.
The far goal being on a right wonk.
But amidst a creditable amount of limited fuss from the officials (I've been to a match at Fleet that was postponed as a crossbar was an inch too low), the game got underway, under the watchful eye of local rivals.
The home side took an early lead.
Then got a second from a penalty, with the position of the spot being decided by the agreement of the captains, akin to the replacing of the white after a miss in snooker.
The league rules dictate that everyone on the bench has to have a black bib on, emblazoned with their role. Hence the inhabitants of the dug outs look like a pre-raid SWAT team.
To have one player with a horific haircut is unfortunate, to have two is unforgiveable. Like they had been infiltrated by extras from This is England '84.
The ground is surrounded by one of the Town's newer estates, which obviously has pretensions above the others, judging by the type of litter that had been blown across from it.
As this was only a bonus game, possible because of its early kick off due to the possibility of extra time, I was only watching part of it, and left just before half time. It finished 2-1 to Cramlington, who progress to the final.
My next game was at the other end of town, so it was a stroll back through the centre. Passing a more accurate representation of the industrial past.
This took me through the original part of the new town, which was encouragingly like 1960s new towns should be. Imagine Peterlee but with a Next.
This graffiti relates to Cramlington Green, a team in the Cramlington and District Sunday League, which is perhaps the lowest level of ultra's activity I've ever seen. I can imagine that games in the Bob Sturrock Memorial Cup can get a bit tasty.
My next game was being played at Cramlington Learning Village. When did schools stop being called schools? This was previously Cramlington High School.
I'd strongly recommend a visit to the school's Wikipedia page for an excellent lesson in on-line parody, the grey box on the right having attention from the local UKIP swivel eyes.
I don't know, the brutal rules that kids now have to comply with. The most famous alumni is Ross Noble.
Beyond a mid-build cycle speedway track, the game was underway.
Cramlington Town 0 v Hexham 4, Northern Alliance - Division 1.
Hexham is in the Tyne valley, half way to Carlisle. The football club was formed in 2002 from two junior sides, the bears and the tigers. By 2005 they had become a senior side, and joined the Northern Football Alliance.
The ground is officially called the exceedingly wanky 'Sporting Club of Cramlington' by whichever private contractors run the sports centre. However, to their utmost credit, the football club fastidiously call it 'Cramlington Sports Club'.
It is a railed off pitch in a series of playing fields, though with the large sports centre providing a welcome wind break to the benches.
Though there was a club sign.
There was early drama as a dodgy throw in from this.
Immediately led to an even dodgier penalty.
Which was duly saved.
But the home side were too busy moaning about the decision to follow up, and the forward scored the rebound.
The reason for choosing the game, was the plethora of @nonleague_train.
Firstly an East Coast class 91 and MkIV set on 1E16 1300 Edinburgh to London Kings Cross is seven down.
One for the pacer chasers, as a Northern 142 on 2A18 1402 Metrocentre to Morpeth gets the opportunity to witness a Cramlington forward, volley from two yards out, but his shot is closer to scoring at United's ground than this one, as it clears the crossbar by about twenty feet.
A four car Cross Country Voyager on 1S41 0725 Plymouth to Edinburgh, sees the build up to another Hexham goal.
Whilst I seem to be the only person interested in 2A15 1449 Morpeth to Metrocentre.
The ground is right under the flight path of Newcastle airport, so there was also a string of @nonleague_planes. But they aren't trains so who cares.
The rather robust home right back had the rather strange combination of civil servant glasses, and a throat tattoo.
Hexham scored some more.
The game ended 0-4.
On my way out, and passing an extremely impressive tractor collection.
I was back to the station.
It seems that the line has the last remaining 'RUG'. These Rail User Groups are very much a 1980s thing, whereby commuters to a local tax office, upset that their train is going to be retimed by a minute, would form a group to write very long and analytical letters to disinterested Area Managers. These days it is always 'RAG', Rail Action Groups which consist of one psychotic local councillor firing off press releases demanding that Eurostar services are extended to Gloucestershire, and some very apologetic pensioners looking uncomfortable in the inevitable platform end group photo in the local paper.
I had the luxury of a class 156 on my service onwards.
This took me up to Morpeth.
The service terminated here. For any RAIB officers reading, this might look like a SASPAD, but the shunt dolly has been pulled off.
Morpeth grew up as a crossing point of the River Wansbeck, from which it became an important trading point, most notably its cattle market.
The football ground is very oddly located. It moved to a new site twenty or so years ago. This isn't just out of town, but on the fringes of Cumbria. So it was a wander through St Marys church on the edge of town.
Through the graveyard.
Northumberland Criminal deterrents I don't believe exist - No.1, lead alarms.
It was out of the town.
Across the common.
And after ten minutes or so, the very substantial floodlights, amongst a few other pitches.
However, getting into the game proved to be somewhat challenging. The ground was shrouded by the 'neighbour from hell' type trees that grow about three feet a day. So it was into the adjacent forest.
Northumberland Criminal deterrents I don't believe exist - No.2, security cameras in an area with no electricity supply.
Eventually, activity was found, though this more like parking for a woodland trust convention than a football game.
But here we are.
Morpeth Town 4 v West Auckland Town 1, Ebac Northern League - division 1
Morpeth were formed in 1893, joining the Northern Alliance. They won the competition twice, the second in 1994 led to promotion to the Northern League. They had a wobble in the late 2000s, looking like they were going out of business, but a resurgence saw them winning last seasons FA Vase, beating Hereford in the final.
West Auckland is a former mining village in County Durham. The football club were founded in 1893, not doing much. Oh, apart from winning the first two world cups. The Thomas Lipton trophy was a competition created by a businessman who wanted an international tournament. Other nations sent their top team, but England, then in a particularly destructive mindset of distrust in Europe, which obviously we have now moved on from, wouldn't send any of the top teams, so somehow West Auckland, an amateur side of coal miners, went along and won it. Since then, there was a slight hiatus but they have been in the Northern League since the 1930s, winning it a few times, but no longer beating Juventus.
Moerpeth moved to Craik Park in 1994 as their former Storey Park wasn't good enough to enter the Northern league. It was previously an athletics track on the common land outside the town.
The main stand has recently had an extension, which I'm not sure is finished yet. Certainly its quite easy to spot the additional work.
On the opposite side is this cover.
This might seem to be of an equally unfinished appearance.
However, it was apparent that since my last visit, the running track has disappeared, with the pitch shifting towards the changing rooms. The stand shown above was flush against the perimeter fence hence it had no back, but has now been shifted to be next to the moved pitch.
I'd arrived in time for the start of the second half, just as Morpeth scored to make it 3-0.
After threatening to all day, it was now raining, with the first @keepers_towel on display.
And the second.
Not quite up there with the St Alban's or Brockenhurst trees, but well on the way.
This is the first seating I've ever seen at a ground, that is made out of a converted cast iron bathtub.
By now it was throwing it down, just as Morpeth got a fourth.
This led to April County Cricket type viewing, as people got in their cars and drove up to the wasteland behind the goal that used to be the running track. They got to see West Auckland score from a late penalty.
I headed down through the now very wet common. I was going to pop into get some photos of the still intact Storey Park, but I couldn't be bothered.
So it was back to the station.
Morpeth is on an extremely tight curve, which necessitates a 50 mph speed limit on an otherwise 125 mph line. Occasionally, drivers forget about it, usually when they are drunk, and it has been the scene of a number of crashes. Anyway, the slow speed means a good view of the late running East Coast service that was holding up my train.
Eventually my service rolled in, which was very conveniently one of the handful Cross Country services that stop at the station.
The train was heading for Bristol, which meant at Newcastle, I was joined by a load of zoidereds on their way back from a 2-2 draw at St James's. Still better than rugby.
I was off at Leeds.
And onto one of the 158s that were lined up at the west end of the station.
And back into Sowerby, earlier than planned but still with two and two bit of games, at three new grounds.
